Sunday, December 26, 2010

Are You Ready to Forgive and Heal?

When I knew about this great father, Kent Whitaker, who forgives his son for plotting his family's murder, my problem seems trivial. He decided to forgive his son for the death of his wife and youngest son and heal and move on with his life, continuing his love towards his son until he died for his death sentence.


It was years ago since I last held grudges towards someone that I really mad at. I decided then to forgive her and moved on. It was not easy.. The pain caused by her was too great that it took me years to let go. It happened (me letting go of my anger) finally and things got better. I was happier and the relationship got better that we became friends. I vowed to myself never wanting to get mad at anyone anymore and I believed my vow. But something happened beyond my control and I gave in. I got mad with someone who was quite unforgiveable. I don't get mad with people that often and it's quite easy for me to forgive and forget but this was different. Not that we quarrel verbally or fight, it was more of bottled up anger that is quite difficult to dispose.


I have never been so mad in my life. Not that I didn't try to forgive but the anger just gets bigger and bigger that it's just too difficult to forgive. I do noticed that the negativity that radiates from me whenever I have encounters with that person. My heart started beating abnormally, I tend to sweat really smelly sweat almost immediately and my face would flush in attempts to hide my anger. Trust me, it is not a very good feeling and I hate every single thing about it.


But then, that person didn't seem to notice how she radiates contagious negativity. She looks as if nothing happen and could not be bothered by anything. I'm sure by now, you really thought that it would be better for me to have a nice little chat with her. I'm sure by now, though, you know that I'm never gonna do that. I just thought it's a complete waste of my time.

The question is, is it worth all the pain and the stress caused by the negativity when we do not forgive? If it's not worth it, why is it just so hard to let go and move on. I'm sure, in Islam, forgiving is not only meant for the person who seeks forgiveness, it's more likely for the person who forgives. A forgiving person is calmer and happier. Having said that, perhaps I should give it a try. Or perhaps.. when the time comes.. it'll go away.. Hopefully..

p.s. just don't ask me who ya! ;D
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