A Test from Allah?

Ya Allah.. ini ujianMu.. Alhamdulillah.. tanda aku disayangi olehMu.. maka kau berilah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapinya.

My heart is torn apart. I just restarted baking as a career. I just need to pay my bills. Kecil juga hati bila salah seorang rakan cakap.. "orang yang suka bisnes ni mesti suka duit".. nina menidakkan.. "taklah kak, na ni bil pun tak lepas.." Honestly... I just love the cash flow.. when i was working with the government.. though i was late to class, my salary was never late in my account, in full, no deduction for the time i spent on walking to class! But now, no baking means no money.

Alhamdulillah.. rupa-rupanya Allah sudah aturkan perjalanan hidup ini. Siapa tahu, asalnya menolong kawan carikan resepi berakhir dengan satu karier baru yang cukup menyenangkan hati. Apatah lagi dari rumah sambil menyusukan Muhammad. What a dream career for some mommies! I just love it to work at home at the comfort of my kitchen.

It's just that, I think this is the very test from Allah.. a specially designed test meant for me and me alone. Which takes me back to more or less two years ago when I cried my eyes out. After a gentle reminder from a friend asking me to keep at least one recipe to myself, I just laughed. Basically, I shared my recipes with friends. My traditional Sampret, my Marble Shortbread and Chocolate Cips including my Moist Chocolate Cake. I remember how my 6 cakes went flat out of the oven when i was a bit fidgety about sharing the cake recipe. I know it was a reminder from Allah and by then, I believe that recipes are part of ilmu that is supposed to be shared. Well, that was what I believed until i shared with a 'friend'.

At first, we were acquaintance, and became friends as i shared my recipe, cooking tips, and everything i know about doing business. I was glad that she even started her own cake selling. Anyway.. since we meet quite often, the circle of friends are more or less the same. I remember perfectly well that morning. I was supposed to send my cuppies at the cafe where we hang out but kept on postponing a few times. I didn't realize that the one who kept on asking about this was this friend. That morning... I was standing at that table when she loudly asked, "Nina.. bila kau nak hantar kek tu.. kalau kau tak nak hantar, biarla aku yang hantar...". The whole table was quiet and everyone looked at me, anxiously waiting for the answer. "Hantarlah...". The minute I went home I cried tears of betrayal. I never thought it hurt so bad.. I kept on asking myself.. why did she have to sell at the place where I was supposed to sell.

I called my other friend and blurted everything.. I took out the recipe from my blog and kept it to myself. It was time to keep a recipe to myself. 2 years have passed and now I'm back in business.. and 2 nights ago, my phone rang. It was another friend, who has the very same circle of friends as mine and the very same potential customers, sharing the same type of business. She complimented how marvelous my cake is.. one of the best.. and asked me how to make the topping.. I told her how easy it was using my recipe and gave her.. My heart sank when she continued "Rasa macam nak je resepi kek tu...".. and I had tears in my eyes..

Please please please.. if you manage to spend time reading this till the very end.. can you please spend another minute, letting me know.. what should i do.. I'd really appreciate it..

A Test from Allah?