Are You Ready to Forgive and Heal?

When I knew about this great father, Kent Whitaker, who forgives his son for plotting his family's murder, my problem seems trivial. He decided to forgive his son for the death of his wife and youngest son and heal and move on with his life, continuing his love towards his son until he died for his death sentence.


It was years ago since I last held grudges towards someone that I really mad at. I decided then to forgive her and moved on. It was not easy.. The pain caused by her was too great that it took me years to let go. It happened (me letting go of my anger) finally and things got better. I was happier and the relationship got better that we became friends. I vowed to myself never wanting to get mad at anyone anymore and I believed my vow. But something happened beyond my control and I gave in. I got mad with someone who was quite unforgiveable. I don't get mad with people that often and it's quite easy for me to forgive and forget but this was different. Not that we quarrel verbally or fight, it was more of bottled up anger that is quite difficult to dispose.


I have never been so mad in my life. Not that I didn't try to forgive but the anger just gets bigger and bigger that it's just too difficult to forgive. I do noticed that the negativity that radiates from me whenever I have encounters with that person. My heart started beating abnormally, I tend to sweat really smelly sweat almost immediately and my face would flush in attempts to hide my anger. Trust me, it is not a very good feeling and I hate every single thing about it.


But then, that person didn't seem to notice how she radiates contagious negativity. She looks as if nothing happen and could not be bothered by anything. I'm sure by now, you really thought that it would be better for me to have a nice little chat with her. I'm sure by now, though, you know that I'm never gonna do that. I just thought it's a complete waste of my time.

The question is, is it worth all the pain and the stress caused by the negativity when we do not forgive? If it's not worth it, why is it just so hard to let go and move on. I'm sure, in Islam, forgiving is not only meant for the person who seeks forgiveness, it's more likely for the person who forgives. A forgiving person is calmer and happier. Having said that, perhaps I should give it a try. Or perhaps.. when the time comes.. it'll go away.. Hopefully..

p.s. just don't ask me who ya! ;D

Are You Ready to Forgive and Heal?

Our Spouse, Our Strength..

Spouse.. one word that changes our lives 360 degree. I married quite early.. the reason was simple.. I didn't want to waste time when I know he's the one. After all, I was with him everyday, every smile accumulate sin. I asked my mom to let us married during our second year but of course she wouldn't. It was a few years later only they let us. The reason was shallow (yet not that shallow in Islam) and little that I know the commitment that I signed for.

Me and him was totally different! The way I put my things and the way he neatly arranges everything was enough to drive me insane (yes, i'm the messy one and i'm not proud of it). Our lives were a mix of 2 totally different cultures. I nearly went crazy to adapt and create our own culture. When I went back to his 'kampung', it was another different culture. When he went back to mine, he seemed lost. Yet we survive and despite the number of years we are married, there are things that we need to adapt.

There are things that I just can't tolerate (until now) and he feels the same too. But those things that we can't tolerate are just kept to ourselves and tolerated somehow and we face the fact that some things just can't be changed. Or rather, easier to be adapted than changed. We can either choose 2 solutions for those things; make our miserable if we force them to change or make us feel better if we learn how to manage it..

I believe spouse is our strength. I believe that they should not be taken for granted. I believe that they are somehow responsible for who we are. The way we show compassion to them will make them a better person. The way they believe in us will make us confident. The support that they give will make us go through any hardship that seems impossible. They make us a better person for their love and patience.

I know that because my spouse is my strength. I'll tell you what I've telling my husband million times... When the world is going against you, you know your life partner will always be with you.. When the world is crumbling and falling apart, you'll find a place to hang on to, when the world doesn't believe you, you know they'll do and even when you know that you are wrong.. you know that you can always find comfort by just telling the truth.

Treat them with compassion.. treat them with love.. Care for them like there's no tomorrow cause we never know when Allah will take them from us. Forgive them for their mistakes and be their strength.. Promise each other to try to be the best for each other. Believe that, they are the best gift from Allah.. Be fair to them as they are the parent of our children and most importantly be there for them because our spouse is our strength..

6.00 a.m
Nov 13, 2010

Our Spouse, Our Strength..

Journal Syawal

Entah kenapa, pagi ini nina rasa kesal sangat.. Syawal tak sampai 2 minggu tapi seolah-olah 'overwrite' apa yang telah dipelajari sepanjang Madrasah Ramadhan. Sebenarnya sambutan raya tu pun dah cukup memadamkan ingatan ramadhan. Balik dari kampung, terkejut badan sudah naik 4 kilo. Hari pertama, terkena cirit-birit teruk akibat makan segala macam makanan tanpa kawalan. Usaha menjinakkan nafsu selama sebulan sia-sia sahaja. Pagi sudah liat nak bangun, jangankan nak bertadarus, quran pun entah ke mana.

Teringat semasa ramadhan.. bangun tepat pada waktu menyiapkan juadah sahur.. dengan semangat berkobar-kobar untuk meneruskan budaya bangun pagi dan masak tanpa bertangguh. Habis ramadhan semua lintang pukang macam biasa.

Kadang-kadang terfikir jugak.. mungkin ke kita berubah pada waktu ramadhan itu dek kerana keberkatan bulan itu atau kita sebenarnya mengejar pahala 70 kali ganda semata-mata tanpa keikhlasan kepada Allah.. maka habis ramadhan.. ia tidak memberi kesan pada hati.. ataupun mungkinkah, kita terlalu sibuk beraya sampai terlupa budaya yang telah kita tanamkan sepanjang ramadhan.

Anak bising.. merungut katanya lebih meriah kalau sembahyang jemaah masa bulan puasa, sekurang-kurangnya ada jugak seorang yang masih mengingatkan kami. Alhamdulillah.. dia masih mahu ke surau untuk berjemaah..

Patutlah.. katanya bila umur sudah 40 tahun, sifat dan perangai sukar untuk diubah.. "Old habits die hard".. Memang susah betul untuk istiqamah.. Walaupun umur nina belum lagi 40 tahun tapi sebenarnya sedang mengira hari. Mungkinkah cukup masa untuk berubah.. untuk membuang sifat-sifat mazmumah di dalam hati.. mungkinkan cukup masa untuk menyuburkan sifat-sifat mahmudah.. Tapi kalau diikutkan kalendar islam.. mungkinkah sudah 40 tahun kerana bulannya lebih pendek. Kalau dikira-kira.. mungkin kita lebih tua dari umur mengikut kalender masihi..

Harapnya.. selepas ini, nina boleh cuba balik mengimbas kembali semangat-semangat yang tenggelam dek bulan perayaan ini.. takut tak sempat ke Madrasah Ramadhan tahun depan. Yelah.. kematian selalu menjenguk kita.. kita saja yang lupa nak jenguk kematian..

Journal Syawal

Ahlan Ya Ramadhan! Ku Menunggu RahmatMu, Ya Allah!

Alhamdulillah.. sampai juga Ramadhan tahun ini. How time flies. Masa kecik-kecik dulu, nak menghabiskan satu tahun, punyalah lama.. tapi rasa macam baru je bersalinkan Muhammad Ramadhan lepas.. dah nak setahun dah.

Selalunya.. sejak lahir anak yang sulung 11 tahun.. cuma dua kali je miss puasa. Yelah... mengandung, menyusu.. mengandung lagi dan menyusu.. Tak merasalah mengganti puasa. Bila tahun lepas bersalin dalam bulan ramadhan, 15 hari lah nak kena gantinya.. masih belum habis ganti.. Agaknya semangat yang tak berapa kuat... almaklumlah.. bila menyusu.. memang sentiasa lapar.

Terharu rasa bila anak-anak sanggup puasa sunat menemankan ibu mengganti puasa.. Siap pesan pada yang sulung, kalau ibu tiada.. waris yang kena gantikan.. Dia janji akan gantikan. Alhamdulillah..

Percubaan kali pertama bawa Muhammad ke masjid masa solat hajat sekolah anak. Tak sampai satu rakaat dah terbatal.. bukan apa.. tergelak sebab Muhammad merangkak melintasi jemaah sambil berhenti dan mengagah makcik-makcik dan kakak kakak.. Nina terus pergi ke saf hujung dan tunggu dia.. Harap-harap tak marah lah makcik-makcik tu ya..

Bila dah ada baby.. dulu terasa sedih la jugak, tak boleh nak pergi ke surau bersama-sama ahli keluarga yang lain, miss ceramah-ceramah di antara terawih.. tapi bila difikirkan balik, Allah memang bagi bonus bagi ibu-ibu yang menjaga anak. Duduk di rumah pun dah dikira ibadah, setiap tangisan apabila memotong bawang dikira pahala. Apatah lagi bila, menyusukan anak. Bila ingat balik pahala yang Allah sediakan walaupun berada di rumah.. terubat hati ini. Janji, tak boleh merungut.

Bila Ramadhan tiba, entah kenapa terasa sayu hati.. dengan kerahmatan Allah. Sesungguhnya Dialah yang Maha Pemurah.. Diberikan bonus berganda-ganda.. Diberikan ruang untuk kita memperbaiki diri kita dan ruang untuk kita bertarung dengan nafsu sendiri. Selalunya.. kita menyalahkan syaitan. Allah juga memberi 'servis' percuma.. Sebulan untuk servis 'digestive' kita, (selagi kita tidak makan macam gilerr).

Nina awal-awal lagi dah beritau adik ipar yang tinggal dengan kami buat masa ni.. bulan puasa ni, kami tak makan mewah-mewah.. tahun lepas, sekali pun tak pergi ke bazar ramadhan. Nina nampak dia macam terkejut. Bukan apa, harga dah tentu melambung-lambung dan kalau bulan Ramadhan ni tak ambil peluang nak jinakkan nafsu, rugilah. Lagipun, memang suami dan Nina selalu bagitau kat anak-anak.. Allah bagi kita peluang untuk rasa.. macam mana sesetengah orang tu berlapar.. kita berlapar sebulan je.. ada je orang yang berlapar sepanjang tahun..Jadi kita kenalah bersyukur dengan apa yang kita ada.

Jadi sempena Ramadhan ini, Nina bagi pihak seluruh keluarga nina menyusun 10 jari, dengan rasa rendah diri, memohon ampun dan maaf bagi apa juga kesalahan sama ada kecil atau besar dan minta dihalalkan makan dan minum (masa potluck tu main makan je hehe) .. apatah lagi, kita yang suka bergurau ni, tak tahu, entah-entah ada yang terguris di hati.. Bukan apa, terkedu bila suami balik dari terawih semalam bagitau antara orang yang tak mendapat pengampunan Allah ialah orang yang memutuskan silaturrahim dan tidak memohon ampun dari orang yang diputuskan silaturrahim.. Dosa kita dengan Allah memang Allah akan ampunkan kerana Allah itu maha Pengampun. tapi rupanya dosa kita dengan manusia..

Ampun dan maaf ya.. semoga Ramadhan ini Ramadhan yang terbaik buat kita.. dan semoga kita dipertemukan dengan Lailatul Qadar.. Amiiin amiin ya robbal 'alamiin..

Ahlan Ya Ramadhan! Ku Menunggu RahmatMu, Ya Allah!

A Test from Allah?

Ya Allah.. ini ujianMu.. Alhamdulillah.. tanda aku disayangi olehMu.. maka kau berilah aku kekuatan untuk menghadapinya.

My heart is torn apart. I just restarted baking as a career. I just need to pay my bills. Kecil juga hati bila salah seorang rakan cakap.. "orang yang suka bisnes ni mesti suka duit".. nina menidakkan.. "taklah kak, na ni bil pun tak lepas.." Honestly... I just love the cash flow.. when i was working with the government.. though i was late to class, my salary was never late in my account, in full, no deduction for the time i spent on walking to class! But now, no baking means no money.

Alhamdulillah.. rupa-rupanya Allah sudah aturkan perjalanan hidup ini. Siapa tahu, asalnya menolong kawan carikan resepi berakhir dengan satu karier baru yang cukup menyenangkan hati. Apatah lagi dari rumah sambil menyusukan Muhammad. What a dream career for some mommies! I just love it to work at home at the comfort of my kitchen.

It's just that, I think this is the very test from Allah.. a specially designed test meant for me and me alone. Which takes me back to more or less two years ago when I cried my eyes out. After a gentle reminder from a friend asking me to keep at least one recipe to myself, I just laughed. Basically, I shared my recipes with friends. My traditional Sampret, my Marble Shortbread and Chocolate Cips including my Moist Chocolate Cake. I remember how my 6 cakes went flat out of the oven when i was a bit fidgety about sharing the cake recipe. I know it was a reminder from Allah and by then, I believe that recipes are part of ilmu that is supposed to be shared. Well, that was what I believed until i shared with a 'friend'.

At first, we were acquaintance, and became friends as i shared my recipe, cooking tips, and everything i know about doing business. I was glad that she even started her own cake selling. Anyway.. since we meet quite often, the circle of friends are more or less the same. I remember perfectly well that morning. I was supposed to send my cuppies at the cafe where we hang out but kept on postponing a few times. I didn't realize that the one who kept on asking about this was this friend. That morning... I was standing at that table when she loudly asked, "Nina.. bila kau nak hantar kek tu.. kalau kau tak nak hantar, biarla aku yang hantar...". The whole table was quiet and everyone looked at me, anxiously waiting for the answer. "Hantarlah...". The minute I went home I cried tears of betrayal. I never thought it hurt so bad.. I kept on asking myself.. why did she have to sell at the place where I was supposed to sell.

I called my other friend and blurted everything.. I took out the recipe from my blog and kept it to myself. It was time to keep a recipe to myself. 2 years have passed and now I'm back in business.. and 2 nights ago, my phone rang. It was another friend, who has the very same circle of friends as mine and the very same potential customers, sharing the same type of business. She complimented how marvelous my cake is.. one of the best.. and asked me how to make the topping.. I told her how easy it was using my recipe and gave her.. My heart sank when she continued "Rasa macam nak je resepi kek tu...".. and I had tears in my eyes..

Please please please.. if you manage to spend time reading this till the very end.. can you please spend another minute, letting me know.. what should i do.. I'd really appreciate it..

A Test from Allah?

My Journal..

It really has been a long time.. i'm basically behind the dateline for almost everything, my laundry, my clutter, my cookies sample, 2 reviews for babywearing, my blog, bla bla bla..

Time seems to be so short.. my baby needs even more attention with his fever.. stocks need to be updated and tonnes of things need to be done. 2 days ago, my sink was blocked and it took a few hours cleaning up the mess. A week ago, my hp memory card went corrupted; almost 800 pix are gone.. I couldn't do anything at that time, thinking of my loss.

Sometimes I do wonder how some of my friends manage to do a lot of things with the same amount of time. I guess, with a nursing baby, things can be unpredictable. I heard once, a friend was advised in her FB wall.. Plan your work and work your plan.. she simply told she was breastfeeding.

I do plan.. but somehow,some plan just can't be worked out. Baby Muhammad seems to follow my routine. It's amazing how he can notice when I sneaked to do some chores in the middle of the night. What amazes me is when he sleeps soundly throughout the night in my arms. Seriously, does my warmth and smell keeps him asleep?

I'm taking a full day break today.. sleeping till noon, Muhammad temperature is quite high and he nurses most of the time, I might as well follow his routine.. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me..

My Journal..

Wowee! My Own Virtual Bakery!

Alhamdulillah... after a while.. we have decided to go online with our business.. Honestly.. it was a big decision to go back to business ever since we took almost 2 year break.. Last year, I gave birth to Muhammad.. and before that, I had one customer who drove me nuts that we decided to quit.

Wish me luck cause I really need that.. and for all who have been so supportive all this while.. thanks.. you are my strength..

Wowee! My Own Virtual Bakery!

Do I Make it to Heaven Being a Wife?

It was the first activity for HELWA (Hal Ehwal Wanita) Taman Sutera. A talk by Ahmad Husni Abd. Rahman, from Eksekutif Dakwah Pusat Pungutan Zakat (PPZ). I just love the activity, the fact that the talk was specially dedicated to mummies and kids were busy coloring for the colouring contest. Sometime in between, baby cries were heard and kids running in the surau. Aren't kids supposed to be exposed to the environment though most of the time they weren't even listening. The best part was the food right after that. :)

However, there was one thing that really caught my attention. It was when Ustaz told for a fact that a lot of women won't make it to heaven just because they are not thankful for their husbands and never really appreciate their husbands for their kindness. I was busy pondering my thoughts to listen to the rest of the talk especially when he asked "How many of you really greet your husbands at the door?" [i do.. hehe] "and thank him for working the whole day to take care of us" [opps...].. He continued "How many said thank you when your husbands give you money [i do.. hehe] and make a looongg face when it is not enough [oppssssss].. ".

I was told by a friend to be thankful when I complained that I'm embarrassed because most of the time my husband is the one doing the house chores as I'm mostly with Muhammad breastfeeding him. My husband is indeed a rare species.

My husband stopped charging my phone because I complained that he was gonna ruin my battery and now there are times that my handphone suddenly went off because it is out of battery.

I complained that he never really took me out to big malls when he had already given me permision to go with my friends. While some of my friends are stuck at home because their husband won't allow them go outing with friends and never really took them out.

I can write a long list of the things that I complain but I'd better not because some of my complaints are not said outloud but I can't deny the dissatisfaction I have in my heart. Hopefully things are gonna change from now on because of what Ustaz said to end his session:

Setiap waktu seorang wanita itu bersama keluarganya, yang dilakukan dengan penuh keikhlasan adalah dikira ibadah..

Do I Make it to Heaven Being a Wife?

Shaking off the Negative Vibes!

Honestly, who wants to be negative? I have been trying really hard to stay as positive as I can, but then, there are times when I have to admit, some people just love being negative and the worse part is when their negativity seems to be contagious. Or, i do wonder, does the person whom we think being negative thinks the same way about us. Are we the source of their negativity? Or do both of us tend to be negative in the presence of one another? Is the feeling mutual?



I do remember my husband quoting Irfan Khairi.. get rid of the negative people around you. I think I should. Being negative somehow will radiate toxic from you .. You'll feel tired, lethargic and worse is you tend to keep on talking bad things behind that person's back.



I've encountered many negative people in my life. I just hate the way they criticise other people, I just hate the way the smirk when others are telling stories and I hate the way they tilt their nose as if the nostril are meant to be seen, most importantly, I just hate the way I feel right after I see them. It made me a bad person scrutinising their habits and behaviour. I should have just left them alone and now I'm starting to sound like I am being negative.. hehe.. see I told you, it's contagious.



Are you a negative person. Some negative people whom I know can't just be happy for others. I've seen them loathing another when someone share a great news like buying a new house or buying new clothes. Happiness is not only about your happiness but sometimes being happy for others make us a happier person. Easy! To be a happy person does not mean you have to be happy for yourself only.. in fact, most of my happiness somehow came from being happy for others.. a friend having a newborn, my sister renovating her house, my student getting married, my sister in law's convocation. I remember when a lot of friends graduating with 2nd class upper, I was so excited that a friend asked me, "yang kau excited sangat ni kenapa???". I was startled.. well.. I explained.. I'm just happy for them..

I'm surrounded by filthy rich people who spend their money like there's no tomorrow. There was a point that I withdrew myself when I thought there's no way I will ever spend like them and felt like a turtle shrinking itself in it's shell as I just don't have that much money to spend. However, there is never a bit of jealousy in my heart being around them. (But I do stay away if they start bragging because I just think there's nothing to brag when everything lays in the hand of Allah.)

err.. my baby's crying.. will continue later [sigh]...

Shaking off the Negative Vibes!

Smoke Smoke Everywhere!

I feel awful today, there's a frog in my throat, my nose feels like it's twice its normal size. When I look at Muhammad, I feel really bad though it's definitely not my fault.

I was with a friend, accompanying her throughout her less than an hour important discussion and this guy just coudn't stop smoking. It was obvious that he was trying to puff as far as he could. While taking a break later at a restaurant, a guy behind me openly lit a cigarrette right behind me. I wonder whether he was just ignorant or simply could not bother the damage he's causing to my baby.. I moved away to the other side of the table.. Years back, I was really skeptical when the government came out with a long list of non-smoking zone in Malaysia.. assuming that it's never going to be implemented fully. Now, the list definitely remained as a long list.

I just find smokers so selfish. I apologize for my humble opinion.. but the only ones who seem to be enjoying it are them. I was just so furious with smokers that I asked my students when I taught physical education in school to calculate the money their father spent on smoking. I can still remember their angry faces when I asked the, "is it enough to pay your school fees?". I knew some of them haven't paid their fees.

The truth is, I'm allergic to smoke.. the minute peple light up their cigarette, I can actually feel the effect immediately.. my eyes become watery, my nose stings and I'll start sneezing. I do wonder how those with asthma survive when they are exposed to smoke.

Maybe one day.. when the tax for cigarette are really high and people's awareness gets better and the anti smoking campaign is really working.. things are gonna get better.. I hope or is it just wishful thinking?

Smoke Smoke Everywhere!

"Nur Dayana Insyirah 1st Birthday Giveaway"

Assalamualaikum E-ein.. Alhamdulillah.. syukur pada Allah, E-ein dah setahun sekarang. Terasa baru semalam E-ein dilahirkan kedunia ini.. Kalau boleh, tentu mama E-ein mahu bekukan masa agar masa tidak berlalu terlalu pantas dan setiap detik bersama E-ein dapat dirakam dalam memori mama E-ein.

You are one lucky baby E-ein, you mama is all crazy about you.. she gives only the best for you.. Her pumping sessions are countless just to feed you when she's away from you... and when she's with you... wearing you is the most precious moment to ensure your safety and comfort.. and your mama's blog is meant for you E-ein, because you are just so special and the place for you in her heart is forever..

E-ein, love your mama the way she loves you... The moment will come when she needs you the way you need her now.. I pray for you and your mama that this special bond will last forever.. Aamin.. semoga E-ein menjadi anak yang solehah.. yang sentiasa mendoakan mama dan abah.

This is me, E-ein, Acik Nina with baby Muhammad.. Muhammad dilahirkan pada tanggal 15 Ramadhan / 5 September 2009 yang lalu.

I'm not writing anything about us now.. cause this entry is yours E-ein.. let us not steal it from you...

"Nur Dayana Insyirah 1st Birthday Giveaway"

Me? A Full Time Mom?

Everything started at my friend's house during a brief visit. I got startled, didn't cry of course but was mostly in shock! It was a simple question.. "how many kids do you want?", "I think, I'm done.. I want to further my studies..".. maybe I should start calling her Dr. :P She has 3 kids and I've got 5, still pondering whether I should have more.

One my way home and the rest of the night, I was in total silence, which is so unlike me. I remember pursuing my studies when I was pregnant my second child. I had to quit because of the morning sickness.. I just couldn't do it... The plan was to do it with my husband.. something happened, I had to do it alone.. I wish I had the courage.

Finally, I blurted it out. My husband was all ears. I never regretted quitting my job but the way my friend said it made me wonder whether I'm ever gonna have my time thinking of my own ambition, my plan and my education. He never really stop me from doing anything.. he never really asked me to quit my job. It was my own decision due to my inabilities to juggle between me, my kids and the traffic jam.

In fact, before I started falling in love with him, I made it clear that I was never gonna quit my job as I want the financial security if anything ever happens to my husband. Before our wedding, I made him promise to leave my career in my own hands. He agreed to marry me, a feminist. Somehow things changed..

It took me a long time to decide what I decided. I asked for a transfer and promised myself to give another 3 years in service before making the decision. I spent 2 glorious years teaching full time without any other responsibilities.. pretending that I don't even know how to use Microsoft Excel or Microsoft Word. The plan worked well! At the same time, I asked around how it feels like to be a full time mom.

A friend of mine did asked me this, "if you are willing to be alone, less friends as you're not gonna meet as much people as you used to, do it!". I'm a people person, I'll die if I don't meet people. When I was in college, I got really lonely when my room mates were gone after exam and I was stuck there as my exam was not over yet. But everything changed when I know it was time to let go.

At times I do get lonely. At times I do feel trapped. Most of the time, I do get hurt especially when I end up having to clean up the mess and my kids just watch me doing everything and only help when I insist and start whining. I learnt to nag and nag and start hating myself but deep down in my heart.. I am happy.. doing everything for my family because once my kids are all grown up.. I'll have all the time in the world and at that time.. I'll just wish I could turn back the clock to see my kids before my eyes again..

Me? A Full Time Mom?

He's not just any Peter, he's MY Peter Walsh!

I hate cleaning up the house.. for me it is really a big time consuming thing to do. However, everytime I watch Peter Walsh in action in Oprah, I have this one kind of resolution to work on decluttering. In fact, I have been decluttering for quite a number of time, but then since I really don't have a place to put them, I ended up doing the same thing again and again like one big circle.

What I hate most is the fact that my kids just love to check on the items that I've sorted in boxes and put them everywhere. I just think I have to sit down and do it together and get it sent right after sorting rather than doing it again and again.

I'm amazed with one of the parents at my kids' school who collected our trash, resell and donate the money to the school. But then, it has been 2 years since she has been struggling to get a specific location in the school for her charity shop.

I think I'm gonna restart the decluttering, put the items straight in boxes, label them and seal before transporting to the charity shop (once the school decided where they are going to help us help them .. org mau tolong pun taknak!).. Or perhaps, I should spread a big plastic outside, divide into 5 categories like what Peter Walsh did; trash, keep, donate, sell.. alamak what's the 5th??? then... start having a garage sale..

What I like most about Peter Walsh is.. he is just so positive! Having a cluttered home just make you feel bad enough, you'll feel even worse when you notice your guests straying their eyes and some even make nasty comments.. :P but Peter Walsh, my Peter Walsh is just so inspiring.. making you want to have a better home!

He's not just any Peter, he's MY Peter Walsh!

Minumlah dari Telaga Rasulullah di Syurga Sepuas-puasnya!

Teringat setelah berpenat-lelah melayan anak-anak di Tasik Cempaka bersama jiran sebelah rumah pada hari Ahad, tiba-tiba abah menelefon untuk memeriahkan lagi.. Dia nak datang rumah sebenarnya tapi kami bersantai di 'playground'. Sebaik habis anak-anak bermain, terus kami ke Pasar Tani, menjamu mata.. Tak payahlah masak kalau dah makan 'heavy breakfast'..

Saya memang hantu nasi kerabu dan nasi dagang, nampak je memang kecur air liur.. terus peniaga tu menyapa.. "belilah, tolak harga borong"..dengan cerianya saya menjawab,
"Bagilah kami borong"..

Datang mak saya, lagilah borong, dia pun sama hantu nasi kerabu.. datang suami pun borong juga, hantu pulut.. Semasa sibuk memilih-milih, anak peniaga tersebut bertanya kepada ibunya..di tangannya siap kalkulator, "yang ini berapa?" Ibunya menjawab, "RM3.00", "yang ni?" "RM3.00" tapi kedengarannya ibunya agak 'annoyed'.. Saya menjeling harga di banner.. nasi dagang.. RM3.50.. Tiada tanda harga nasi kerabu, yelah, nasi kerabu ikut lauk..

Saya cuma minta daging dan ikan dan telur untuk nasi kerabu.. nampak si ibu meletakkan ikan kering yang saiznya XXS.. "alhamdulillah", dia bersedekah..

Bila tiba waktu membayar, "Berapa kak?", "RM24.00".. Saya merenung kesemua order saya, 2 nasi dagang, 3 nasi kerabu (2 ikan, telur dan 1 daging), 3 bubur lambuk, 1 pulut kuning, 1 pulut manis.. Hati saya terdetik.. "kalau harga tak borong berapa agaknya.." Pagi-pagi, bila saya makan seluruh keluarga di gerai tepi jalan di Kajang termasuk air, lontong dan nasi lemak selalunya antara RM12-14..

Tetapi Allah Maha Mengetahui.. mungkin dia dengar hati saya berdetik.. si ibu terus berkata, "ini akak bagi free ya", dan memasukkan satu mee kari.. "lebih kurang minta halal ya".. kata-katanya yang akhir itu membenarkan detikan hati saya..

Saya mengomel juga.. tapi terpaksa menerangkan kepada ibu saya, takut dia kecil hati nampak saya berkira membayar.. saya cuma kesal dan rasa tertipu kenapa dia mempromosikan harga borong tapi pada hakikatnya.. saya dapat mee kari dan ikan kering percuma.. kan lain tu..

Saya terkilan dengan sikapnya sebab saya juga pernah berniaga.. kadang-kadang memang susah nak 'let go' kalau ada lebih bila memikirkan keuntungan yang kita dapat kalau kita jual.. Mula-mula berniaga.. kalau kek terbantat, nak bagi diskaun pun masih berkira-kira.. tapi apa yang kita peniaga selalu lupa.. ikhlas itu perlu disemai, ditanam dan dibaja. Sifat ikhlas itu tidak datang sendiri.. kita kena lembut-lembutkan hati. Berniagalah sebagaimana Rasulullah berniaga. Ingatlah.. bila kita tutup satu akaun di sini, kita sebenarnya membuka satu akaun di akhirat. Bila kita bersedekah di sini, gantiannya akan dikembalikan di akhirat berlipat-ganda. Yang paling indah sekali, siapa yang berniaga seperti Rasulullah akan tinggal di syurga Rasullullah dan sama-sama minum dari telaga Rasulullah.. Minumlah sepuas-puasnya...

Minumlah dari Telaga Rasulullah di Syurga Sepuas-puasnya!

Hari Mengetip Sedunia!

It was just an impromtu idea. My friend is selling 'tudung' and we were trying to bring out the model in us. After trying the 'tudung' again and again in our previous meetings, we might as well make profit out of it. It was really fun playing model that day. I wished we started earlier as I only managed to snap only the plain ones and a few exclusive ones. I had to rush to fetch my son at Kindy.

What I love most is the fact that we were amazed by the beauty of the 'tudung'. If you only look at them on the hangers, most likely you won't buy it. Unlike a friend of mine who are really good at choosing good patterns on the spot without even trying it, I really have to try them on, and look into the mirror to choose a good one. We tried on a lot of 'tudung' which do not look attractive, but the minute you put them on you, it was really gorgeous, that's why we decided to open a website to display them.

My other friend is selling 'fabric' since she has a flair in choosing exclusive look fabric.. We are definitely gonna match the tudung and the fabric.. Looking at the fabric being spread is just satisfying.

The collage you see is just a preview! We are still trying to get a catchy name for the webbie. Don't worry about the price. I can guarantee you the price is gonna be as affordable as possible. Why? Because we just don't want to keep any stock! Just wait ya! (p/s if you see anything you like in the collage.. just book here, we'll reserve it for you.. but i have to warn you, beautiful things do not last forever here, hehe)..

Hari Mengetip Sedunia!

A Day that Lasts Forever

This was the longest baking day ever.. It was planned to be a 'one-day baking day' which was extended to days and nights. Perhaps I took a break too long from baking that everything was double the time and effort. [sigh].. or perhaps with a baby around, life just becomes so unpredictable.

My heart sank as the first batch of my 6 cakes sank. My ganache was not as glossy as usual.. some of the cake shrank and another batch was overbeaten which turned out to be the ordinary chocolate cake instead of moist chocolate cake. I feel really bad.. Not because of the cake but because of the reassurance that I gave to my friends as I share them the recipe of the cake. All this while, I've been telling my friends that it's just a simple recipe.. no-fail one.. but that't not exactly right.. Alhamdulillah.. everything was okay by the end of the third day.. my friends were really sporting to wait until I finished baking and rebaking.

However, every cloud has a silver lining.. out of the hard work baking, I finally managed to overcome my fear of driving. The strategy was to send the farthest one first. Since Azly had something else, I had to drive all the way to Bangi, Setapak Indah, Ampang and head home. A friend volunteered to help me out during the baking and went together to send the cakes. We even took a break eating one of the best Bakso I have ever tasted made by Sumatran lady in Ampang while feeding Muhammad. Bakso is served in big mugs with a tray of vinegar, chilli sauce and soy sauce to complement. The meat is just so tender and I just love it!I wanted to give up just before the last delivery for that trip ( the rest of the orders came from neighbours ), I sent my friend home and right before I parked my car in front of my house, a friend called asking for her order. Her son came back all the way from Mantin just to have the cake.. Flattering! I decided to do a little bit of catching up with her while I feed Muhammad again. By the time I reached home, I decided to let my friends know that I needed time. I really don't want to sell 'bantat' cakes.. of course you can cover with ganache but it's just not the same.

Alhamdulillah... Though it sounds like I'm having a bad day, the truth is I'm blessed. All this started since a badly want a preloved wrap sold by a friend.. I know, the more you want something, the harder the test will be.. but I'm just grateful to Allah for granting it to me.. As for my baking.. i think i'll just put it on hold until I'm really ready..

A Day that Lasts Forever

I love you.. I love all of you..

I met a friend this morning.. she had just lost her father last week. I really didn't know how to react, but as a friend, sadness should be shared. I held her hand and prayed that she is granted with all the strength to move on. She tried to smile but I could see tears in her eyes.

She told me her pledge made last year, to make her 'balik kampung' trip at least once a month. It's January and she started her trip only to visit her father for the last time. She asked me how often I visit my own father.. I stammered.. sometimes my dad is the one visiting us when we prioritise other things than him.

I've been thinking a lot about death.. the loved ones who will miss me.. and the loved ones who leave to be missed. when a friend lost her husband, my other friend told me.. it's a matter of time.. it will happen to everyone. I got really scared just thinking about it.

Every morning, before my husband leaves for work, it has become a habit for the whole family to recite 3 prayers.. no matter how angry i am during our cold war, i certainly forgive him and forgive myself for whatever wrongdoings that caused it.

At times of anger, my children did turned away when they kissed me.. sometimes they even avoid kissing me.. i try to understand that they do need some time to cool down though it hurts so bad without realizing that they must have learnt that from me. At times of my own anger, i did give them the cold shoulder, stiffing myself when they hug me and normally regret later and wonder what will happen if that's the last time i ever see them.

I'm just among the lucky ones to still have my parents.. I have never lost anyone in my nucleus family. Everytime i have parental issues with my kids, i will reminisce the things that i did to my own parents which i know very painful. I understand now that the pain that i caused them is very much similar to the ones caused by my own kids out of just facial expressions and gestures. I dare not confess this to my parents in case they have forgotten the things that i did and the confession will remind them how hurt they were in facing the challenge in raising me.

I've been telling my kids again and again that whatever happens to me.. i always forgive them and ask them to pray for me as nothing is more valuable than the prayers of our children..

so here i am, making a pledge to seek forgiveness from everyone and appreciate them while they are still here.. i love you.. and forgive me for any pain that i may have caused...

I love you.. I love all of you..

Kindy Teacher Training

Wow! I just love it! Though I was a bit nervous at the beginning to see some grumpy faces having to come on Saturday, I'm thrilled when some of them expressed their thanks for the crazy activities at the end of the session!

We didn't even realize the time as we were busy giggling and laughing. One thing that I like most about teaching is the satisfaction you feel right after it. To see their gleaming sweaty faces is such a good feeling. What is more satisfying with kindy teachers is they are willing to do it without being shy!

Hopefully I'll have the time to do it next time. Poor baby Muhammad, Azly had to send him as he refused his bottle. Though some insisted that I should introduce him to solid food now since he is already 4 months, I think I'll just stick to 6-month exclusive breastfeeding. I have to postpone a few plans but it's just worth it!

Kindy Teacher Training

Mommies Day Out Pt. 1

It has been a while since I last go out with the other mommies. Not that I don't want to but then everything seems to be hectic ever since the birth of Baby Muhammad. As soon as confinement ended, it was Raya Haji and the beginning of the new school term. So, off we went with our girlish giggles trying out 'tudung' at Ariani's and continued at "Baiti Living". While my other two friends were busy trying, I was busy crowding the changing room and did some baby bonding with Muhammad.

My eyes nearly popped out just looking at price tag at Ariani which range between RM69 - RM299. Very satisfied with the tudung hunting, we went to Alamanda, Putrajaya for our hearty meal at Johnny's (courtesy of Ipah, thanks darling!). Wish I snapped a few photos there. Instead of ordering real drinks, we ordered 1 strawberry shake and 1 'palm in syrup' which i definitely want to order after this (or rather make it myself).. I just love the slices of jackfruit and the palm fruit. Yummy..

Once done, we went straight to the 'surau'. There is a changing room, of course, near the surau with toilet. I went to the changing room but can't possibly put Muhammad down to go the bathroom (how can I.. poor baby Muhammad can't be left on the changing table which was 5 meters away).. and i wonder if it's possible to do the business with baby Muhammad in my wrap.. (huish! camne nak cuci).. anyway, my friend held Muhammad.. I was merely thinking how to do it if I came alone.

We went to MPH, and I thought baby Muhammad did his business and needed to be changed. Since there's Huggies tester are sold at Watson (as told by my friend).. I marched straight to Watson with baby Muhammad in 'back carry'.. The treatment was first class!! Thank you Watson, Alamanda, you guys made my day! I felt like a celebrity, truly.. When I made my payment, 3 Watson staffs were cuddling Muhammad behind me.. "eii, comelnya", "akak ikat macam mana ni".. Though I didn't get everything I wanted to buy.. hehe (The male staff was sooo kind, he asked me "akak cari apa akak".. i dared not answer.. so i said "you really don't want to know" .. "oh" (imagine if i tell him i was looking for a c****m) :)



When I went to the changing room, I managed to promote this one mommy to malaysianbabywearers forum. I couldn't help glancing at the cute baby which i found out was only 1 month. I know i'm being overreacting but I couldn't stop feeling sorry when i saw the bottle feeding the baby. I must tell myself not to be too emotional next time. [sigh]..

That's not the end of the journey.. We went to precint 15 to ambush "The Baker's Cottage" (courtesy of our very own chaperon, Kak inah, thank you!!! muah muah muah) before heading to our third RHB at Precint Diplomat in search of their new product! jeng jeng jeng...



Finally, it was time to head home.. before that.. my kids are waiting at school (I was a bit late that day.. but my kids didn't mind of course, they were busy catching up with their friends too). Zillion thanks to my hubby, who was on leave that day and helped fetching my 4th son from kindy..

As for me.. I'm very very eager to be out with my friends.. as a SAHM (stay at home mom), I really could use some break before I get out of my mind.. Not that I don't enjoy being a full time mommy but sometimes giving yourself some time and space will make you a better mom.

Mommies Day Out Pt. 1

Simple Steps to Breastfeeding Success

I'm kinda emotional when i know babies never got a chance to breastfeed. I know it sounds ridiculous but then it's just part of me that is so hard to change. It's none of my business, really, but i can't help it. If you do it the right way, insyaallah.. it'll be a success.



1. Keep Your Mind Set on the Right Track
Way long before giving birth, set your mind set right. Make sure you practice wanting to breastfeed. Make an effort to be thrilled about breastfeeding your baby. It's squirmish of the idea of letting someone cling onto your nipple if it's your first born, but breastfeeding is very rewarding in the long run, trust me!



2. Be Ready with the Strict Contract
A lot of people have been boasting about the goodness of breastfeeding but very little people have exposed how challenging it is. Be prepared with long hours of feeding with your baby as breastmilk is just so easy to digest, babies tend to get hungry compared to when given formula milk. Back pain is just part of it plus the fact that you won't get that much sleep like before. All these are not a hindrance to successful breastfeeding. It should encourage you more if you are a real fighter.

Breastfeeding makes me realize how persistent i can be if i really want to do something. It is a symbol of my strength in raising my kids. Whenever I feel that i'm a terrible mom, this will calm me down; the fact that i signed a 2-yr contract with 3 of my 4 kids. My eldest was just an 8-month contract, due to no one but myself. But then, it was the reason why the rest are succesful.



3. Seek Support from Strong Believers
Don't just ask anyone. Go straight to the right people, forum, lactation counsellors or even websites. Strong believers of breastfeeding will support each other. I've known people who loaned their own breastpump to ensure the success of others. They will come and help new mommies to do it right. Having support will help you during the times when you get really down due to certain issues in breastfeeding.



4. Sometimes, it's better to Put on Deaf Ears
I learnt this mistake after the failure of my eldest son's breastfeeding. Remarks from people should be left unheard. Negative people should be shoved away kindly. It can't be denied that certain people are just so very negative when it comes to breastfeeding and they just can't shut their mouth up. Things like ' Breastmilk is not enough.. formula milk is better as it's thicker', 'he is still hungry' etc etc will leave us feeling doubt about breastfeeding.. thus affecting the milk production.



5. Wake the Baby up But Do it Lying down!
A lot of people believe that if the baby is sleeping, let him sleep, he will tell you when he is hungry. The truth is when the baby cries, he is already very very hungry to one extend that he can start crying hysterically. This definitely cause stress and can give a huge impact to your milk production. Time your clock.. be alert of the time. For newborn, feeding should be between 1 to 1.5 hours apart. Just squirt a bit of your milk into his mouth or simply touch his cheek with your nipple. If he keeps on stirring in his sleep, he is probably hungry.



6. Go Gadget Go!
If you must, get gadget that can help you brestfeed cosily, a nursing pillow, a neck rest, a hiding hooter / nursing cover, nursing dresses and a baby wrap just to cater all that you need. Take it as a motivation and a reward for yourself.


7. Enjoy it while You still can!
There's no point being grumpy. Watch tv, read a magazine, pamper your baby. Once they have started walking, or even crawling, you have less time to cuddle your baby.


8. Look at the Percentage.
Don't look at the number of hours you have to spend nursing your baby. Look at the percentage instead. A average person is expected to live at least until the age of 60, thus, 2 years of breastfeeding is just 3.3% of his life. Need I say more?


9. Take it as a Reward
You will definitely get rewards for you sacrifice. As you breastfeed, your vagina will start to contract and get to its original size. Breastfeeding will use up the fat you accumulate during pregnancy. I've been told by a very plump mother how her weight didn't budge even when she fully breastfed. My answer was simple "Imagine if you didn't breasfeed at all hehehe".

10.Think of the Money you can Save
Formula milk is really pricey and it's not even close to the goodness of what breastmilk can offer. Whatever ingredients claimed to be in the formula milk is an attempt to imitate what breastmilk has. Isn't it better to give the best formula specially formulated for us by our Creator.

Simple Steps to Breastfeeding Success

Laksa Cendol Pasembor Seksyen 4 Tambahan

Specialities -Pasembor, Laksa n Cendol
Location - Under the shady trees, Seksyen 4 Tambahan, Bangi

How to Go There - From Plus Kajang Exit, go straight until you reach a T-junction, turn left and go straight (there will be traffic lights of course) until you see a roundabout. At the roundabout, go straight and turn right at the traffic light. Then, immediately turn left. You should be able to see the stall there.

I was introduced to this place by a friend of mine. Even before that, I did come here but then laksa was just finished. Basically I'm a Laksa Maniac.. I've been to places that serve laksa and mark the place that serves really good Laksa. This place is different, however. Even though I came to try laksa, I was hooked with the pasembor instead which is served with really thick gravy. It was love at first sight. I just love the taste of the thick gravy.. Nutty and not too spicy for my kids. You can ask for plain pasembor, rojak mee or rojak sotong.. Yummy! This is not the typical mamak style pasembor with runny chilli saucy gravy.. This is Malay Pasembor.. I dare say it's one of the best pasembor I have ever tried.

Cendol is served in stainless steel bowl. I was not really fancy about the condiments inside the cendol. For me, cendol should not have cincau' but then, the minute I tasted the cendol, I crave for another bowl. The cendol is just subtle, not too sweet and not too creamy. It was perfect for me. Most importantly, I am just so sure that the sugar is definitely not white sugar like some sellers use. The cendol looks white but when you stir, you can see the colour changes instantly to the colour of 'gula melaka'. I just love it and I will definitely come back for more.

As for the service, food served are really quick and the table are wiped clean. You can actually see gallons of water waiting to be used to clean up the bowl! I didn't even manage to ask them their names, it was drizzling then, but then the service is warm and good as seen in the pix!

Laksa Cendol Pasembor Seksyen 4 Tambahan

Saya Yakin Betul, Abang Aznil!

I was frying 'keledek' fritters when I suddenly realized something.. As I slid the 'keledek', or rather threw the 'keledek' into the wok, I just love the sound of it sizzling in the hot oil... "cheng", "cheng", "cheng"..

I called my husband into the kitchen. "Now I know where the 'Jangan Lupa Lirik' gets its idea! "Kita buka petak satu!", "cheng!", dua! "cheng!", "tiga!", "cheng"...

Irfan came running "dua!", "lapan!", "tiga!" and it continues until every bit of "keledek" fried.. Apa nak jadi mak engkau ni Irfan??

Saya Yakin Betul, Abang Aznil!