Giving up?

There was a time not long ago when I realised that it was easier to give up than to face the problem that was bothering me. I was frustrated, angry and most of the time avoid even thinking about it until I decided to give it a last shot before really giving up.

It was one of the worst moment when the people whom you thought you could count on were not there. Actually, I do have a list of people who I know I can always turn to if I ever needed help. It's not really a real list but just a mental list that I find comfort whenever I'm stuck somewhere. I guess, knowing that you have someone there gives me strength. I think that time (when I was about to give up) was a time that I felt completely lost. My dreams at night were the same repeated dreams over and over again. It was that time when I thought I was better awake when I sleep and yet I was better sleeping when I was awake. I wanted to give up so bad but I just couldn't.

I started praying istikharah.. I started seeking for help mentally (it was just like a rehearsal in my mind) but never blurted it out. It was just so comforting to do that. One day, out of a blue, a friend called me and brought us to see her friend. That friend took us to another friend. Of course it was never planned that way but somehow I met someone who offered us help; the most precious consultation and inside stories of the things that we have been searching for to be our inspiration. There were times when we were driving, we just made one impulsive decision to go somewhere and most of the time became an opportunity to meet really wonderful inspiring people who were more than happy to offer us strength and help. Alhamdulillah..

Sometimes, without intention, we accidentally blurted something that was supposed to be our secret but ended up having all sorts of support from friends who are not really close friends who became closer because of their faith in us and the courage that they give us and we are grateful Alhamdulillah.. We believe that those help from strangers and acquaintance and not-so-close friends came from Allah. Life is just full of surprises.

There are times that I wanted to cry just to let go of the heavy painful chest that I carry and there are times that I think, if I can face this (obstacle), I can face whatever obstacle that I have after this. When I look around me.. I could see that there are people who are in worse condition than us that whatever we are facing currently seem so trivial. Not that we find comfort when looking at other people's bigger problems, but looking at them makes us stronger in a way; knowing that they never really give up to face their bigger problem.

For those people who have been behind us.. you know how you have touched our lives. Even a smile works wonders. Your encouragement and soothing words really helped us through those times. We have not yet reached there but we know.. we have a 'new' mental list of people (some strangers remained strangers but our prayers are with you while some friends become closer friends) that we can turned to. Thanks for your ears for listening and the time you spent for us. May Allah bestow upon you His blessings and rahmah for He knows.

Giving up?