This is me!

Gosh, I can watch The Greatest Showman again and again and I can guarantee you that I'll be crying again and again even before the scene that I normally cry. 

When you watch a movie, and you keep on having goosebumps from time to time, I'd say, this is it!

I love watching this especially when I am down. I could just absorb everything and relate. There was a point in my life that I felt that it was easier to give up than to move on. My circle was growing smaller, because I hibernated and left a lot of people until there were very little number of supporters. The hardest part was to let go of everyone and slowly collected those who remembered me. 

It has never been lower than what I faced and I am grateful for the supporters that I have at the moment. There were some from stranger friends and there was always dream and hope.

From the Greatest Showman, I learnt that whatever imagination and belief that you have belong to you. It is you to visualise and make it happen. Help will come as long as there is hope. Sometimes I sleep holding my own hand to give me courage, to remind me that you are not alone. 

This is my favourite clip, all time.. when Barnum believed that there was no turning back when he started something new. This clip is such a goosebumper as they accepted the rejection from the society and move on, stronger than before. 

When the sharpest words wanna cut me down,

I'm gonna send a flood, gonna drown 'em out,

I am brave, I am bruised,

I am who I'm meant to be, this is me!

This is me!

Sambungan PKP#2

    Dalam entri yang lepas, saya baru je share yang dapatlah bila adik-beradik dan mak ayah beri duit, bolehlah buat modal untuk berniaga. Nak jual kek macam biasa, rasa macam jaman PKP ni, tak sesuai pulak jual makanan yang bukan makanan asasi. Yelah, kek tu macam dessert kan? Tambahan pula, group Masak Apa Hari Ni meriah dengan perkongsian masakan yang viral-viral, ada jugak komen-komen dari luar negara yang mengkritik bahawa kita seharusnya menyimpan stok makanan, bukan dibazirkan dengan memasak makanan-makanan viral yang mewah. 

    Disebabkan tak pernah menghadapi pandemik sebelum ni, rasa macam munasabah jugaklah kalau bekalan terputus. Terima kasih jugaklah pada kerajaan Malaysia sebab memang selalu disebut-sebut masa sidang media yang bekalan makanan mencukupi. Kalau tak, mungkin negara kita akan mendapat bilangan COVID-19 yang tinggi kalau orang dah berasak-asak ke kedai sebab pembelian panik. 

    Berbalik pada perniagaan tu, saya ingat pizza lah yang paling sesuai sebab makanan yang ringkas, kalau mak ayah bekerja pun, anak-anak boleh panaskan sendiri. Maka bermulalah episod mencari bahan-bahan. Ya robbi, benda yang selalunya mudah, menjadi susah. Personal shopper tumbuh macam cendawan namun kita yang tak pernah gunakan khidmat PS rasa macam was-was sama ada semua PS tu jujur atau tidak. Selagi tak nampak mereka berswafoto dengan barang-barang, agak susah nak percaya kecuali PS yang disyorkan oleh jiran. Beratur di luar kedai bahan bakeri juga agak lama sampai berejam hanya untuk mengetahui yang parutan keju habis. Stok daging kisar pun habis. Macam main sorok-sorok pula, bila ada daging, keju tak ada, begitulah sebaliknya. Duit modal yang sepatutnya cukup sudah pun dibazirkan sebab sebahagian stok makanan dah habis, sebahagian pula sudah dibeli, tak boleh jual juga. 

    Akhirnya terpaksalah saya akur dengan keadaan yang begitu drastik. Saya berhenti berfikir tentang berniaga, saya gunakan duit yang ada untuk keperluan makanan harian dan laburkan sedikit untuk membeli para untuk mengemas alatan bakeri saya yang menimbun. Kenapa? Saya terpaksa lakukan apa yang boleh saya lakukan supaya minda saya tetap positif. Saya mengemas. Bab mengemas ni lah yang paling saya tak berapa minat. 

Sudahnya, saya cabar diri saya dan mengajak keluarga mengemas bakeri virtual kami dan belajar menyunting video. Alhamdulillah.. saya kongsi di sini..

Tunggukan kesudahan apa yang terjadi seterusnya selepas PKP berakhir...
Baca entri #1 di sini


#cabaranmenulis100%melayu

Sambungan PKP#2

Other People's Situation + Own Predicament = JUDGE.

Hahahah.. pening kan baca title entry ni. (Agak pedas sikit ni). 

Betul tu.. itulah yang selalu berlaku. Ramai orang fuuh.. cakap gedegang-gedegang. Senang cakap ikut mulut ek.. Ramai sangat yang suka buat spekulasi ikut suka hati. Pantang ada isu, banyak pulak cakapnya. Patutnya itu, patutnya ini. 

Baik kat facebook, baik kat Whatsapp, memang ramai kaunselor yang tak bertauliah. Cakap memang pandai.. banyak jugakla cadangan bernas yang keluar dari mulut. Cuma bezanya, pendapat2 tu hanya sesuai jika masaalah tu dihadapi oleh orang tu sendiri. 

Perasan tak, bila orang tolong beri nasihat atau cuba untuk 'selesaikan' masaalah atau 'isu' kita, mereka memandang dari sudut kehidupan mereka sendiri. Contohnya, kalau kita ada isu dengan kawan, mereka akan beri pandangan berdasarkan kawan2 mereka kerana mereka tak akan nampak apa yang kita hadapi dalam konteks yang kita hadapi. Lagi satu, kalau dia dah 'label' kita, mereka akan beri nasihat mengikut pandangan mata konteks kehidupan mereka berdasarkan 'label' yang telah mereka tampal kat kita bertahun2 dulu. Contohnya, kalau kita 15 tahun dulu, agak kuat merajuk, mereka akan beri pendapat berdasarkan karakter kita yang lama. 

Sebenarnya, Allah panggil kita, Allah akan beri solusi untuk apa2 masaalah pun apabila kita merintih pada dia. Allah akan tarik orang yang dulunya boleh fahami masaalah kita. Allah akan buat kita keseorangan kebengangan supaya kita akan merujuk pada Dia.

Akan ada suatu masa yang kita rasa kita dah tak mampu untuk bercerita pada sesiapa pun sebab akan ada orang yang cakap pandai atau judge kita. Jadi.. kembalilah kepada fitrah manusia yang memerlukan PenciptaNya kerana hanya Dia sahajalah yang akan faham, tahu segala isi hati kita berdasarkan situasi yang Dia letakkan, 

Phewww.. Semoga cinta kita kepadaNya melebihi segalanya..

Other People's Situation + Own Predicament = JUDGE.

The Hardest Time

At this point of time, I got stuck. I'm a jobless desperate housewife; a Jack of all trades. Not quite sure what I plan to do but I sure does create a commotion in my family when I quit my job. My dad has been calling me at quite a schedule time not more than a week apart. My brother invited me for dinner and spent more that 3/4 of the time interrogating me about my plan. My sister was not really happy with the crazy working hour in my previous job and my other sister is content with her life at the moment that she didn't notice I've been jobless lol!


A few years back, I realised I started using the phrase "This is the hardest year so far", the years passed by and every year I used the same phrase again and again. I realised that as I grow 'older', my test was getting harder. Anyway, this year I guess is the toughest yet so far. My hands were injured during job I had to quit my job which makes my injury a bonus because the working hours was crazy without any overtime claim. I had no commission because the total of my sales did not exceed my basic pay. Apparently what they offered during job interview was different from what they practised. My computer broke down and I had to choose my last pay to fix it so I can start working from than using the last pay to buy a new phone.

My right hand was numb while my left was in pain. There was no way I could work with my hands no matter what job I intend to do. The only part of me that was still working was my brain. I thought and I thought and I thought. The more I searched for jobs at Jobstreet, the more stressed I became. Then I understood. He wants me to take a break and think what I can do best. All my previous jobs were only part of my journey. The destination would come now. All I have to do is T.H.I.N.K. What do you think?



I notice that I tend to blink looking at

The Hardest Time

Statement Orang Berpenyakit Hati...

Allah akan sentiasa uji.. uji.. uji.. uji.. with the ways He knows will test you.. Yalor.. Kita akan diuji dengan benda yang kita affected la kan.. Kalau orang tu memang tak ambil kisah langsung pasal kereta dia. Kereta dia tak la calar.. remuk.. as in ujian dia takkan la melibatkan sangat perkara yang dia tak ambil kisah.

Alkisah diriku yang bermakna.. Adalah seorang hamba Allah ni mintak resepi.. rupanya mintak resepi untuk menantu dia.. patutla soksek soksek bisik-bisik sebelum tu. Awatlaaa tak mintak sendiri.. Lepas tu si suaminya pulak dok marah-marah bini dia dok sembang mintak resepi dengan kita.. Dah tu.. nak merengus-rengus kat situ.. yang bini dia tak habis sembang.. haish!!

Orang yang sensitif ni tak boleh berdepan dengan benda-benda macam ni.. Memang la rasa nak cepuk je. Sekarang ni maleh rasa nak jumpa orang kalau macam ni gayanya.. Bila kita ada penyakit hati (as in semua orang pun ada). Benda-benda kecik macam ni memang senanglah nak jadikan kita negatif.. Kita ni kena sentiasa remind diri sendiri.. Bercakap-cakap dengan Allah tu lah yang paling menenangkan.. Biasakan meluahkan padaNya (am telling myself). Bila kita cerita kat orang.. kadang-kadang kita sentap juga.. Kadang-kadang apa yang kita luahkan dan jadi merebak storynya pulak.. lagila harunya..

Nak elak jumpa orang pun tak boleh juga.. dah macam nak jadi kera sumbang..

Statement Orang Berpenyakit Hati...

M.A.L.A.S - Kalaulah ada pill anti malas [sigh]

Dah lama-lama ni perasan jugak.. New entry mesti start dengan:

'It has been a long time' atau lain-lain ayat yang menunjukkan lama dah tak update blog.

Betul la apa orang kata. You can't buy time. A friend of mine masak macam-macam yang dia share.. as in macam-macam. Rupanya dia pakai Steam iron Phillips. Dia kata siapa yang pakai iron tu takkan berpaling pada iron lain. Iron yang ribu raban tu sanggup orang beli demi masa. Habis tu, orang yang tak ada duit tu macam mana pula? Allah kan maha adil, jadi mungkin dia tak ada iron best tapi mungkin baju dia tak teruk sangat nak iron, mungkin dia ada pembantunya, mungkin keluarganya sangat berdikari.

Dah beberapa minggu dah, terpaksa minta tolong bibik external untuk cuci pinggan dan mop lantai.. Yang hebatnya dia .. dalam masa 2 jam saja, dia habis cuci bilik air, mop lantai, cuci pinggan bekas baking yang begitu banyak.. Bila diperati, petuanya satu je.. dia tak bertangguh dan dia takkan rehat selagi kerja dia tak habis. Me, on the other hand.. [fill in the blank] hehehe.. Apa lagi.. tiap kali dia datang nina korek lah rahsia dia. Dia kata.. kita ni kena bersyukur ada kerjaan.. Nanti nina tanya macam mana boleh bersemangat walhal nak cuci pinggan je.. Dia kata.. kerja ni ngak apa.. sebab kerjanya senang *pengsan*. Last-last nina dah tak tanya dah.. sebab tahu dah punca semua masaalah.. nina dah naik lemak masa ada maid dulu huaaaaa!! I miss my maid. Sekarang denlah omak.. denlah maid!

Sebenarnya masa tu memang ada.. kadang-kadang terlebih sibuk dengan baking atau panggilan mengajar, masa jadi kelam kabut sikit.. tapi apa yang paling digeruni ialah bila baking pun malas, kemas rumah lagilah.. in other words.. semangat yang takde. Adoii.. *ketuk kepala sendiri*

Perasan jugak akhir-akhir ni, lesu semacam, mood ke laut, rumah macam tongkang pecah. Semangat pada mulanya berkobar-kobar, akhirnya menyesal membuang masa. Rupanya, lesu ni tanda toxic kat badan kita ni banyak. Kata kawan yang tolong bekamkan. Nanti nina story the mory kay! Nak amik mood sekejap.. sebab ni semua tengah tidur lagi. Nak tanam semangat.

M.A.L.A.S - Kalaulah ada pill anti malas [sigh]

Highlighting Glary Mistakes of 2013 instead of New Resolution!

Note: This was written the 1st day but finished on the 6th March 2014. What a good sign hehe

1st day in 2014! When I look back, a lot of things happened in 2013. 
I think, instead of writing resolutions of the new year, I wanna look back to find out what went terribly wrong as well as my regrets so that I won't do it again this year!

Here are my biggest regrets and some of the reasons. Some things are better left unsaid. 

1) Reducing costs but not increasing income at the same time. 
I think when you're doing budget, it's better increasing income plus reducing costs.

2) Spending too much time on the computer; Facebook specifically.
My office is facebook actually, my virtual bakery is mainly available on facebook but then, I easily got distracted with status updates. So, I have to stop scrolling up and down again and again.

3) Not having a proper schedule for cleaning up my house

4) Too lazy to clean up my mess

5) Creating another mess before cleaning up the mess [sigh]

6) Not solving my photos storage problem and leaving them unorganized

7) Clinging on to some photos in my phone that it eats up my memory


and many more..
insyaallah will update in another entry.

Highlighting Glary Mistakes of 2013 instead of New Resolution!

Browsing my recipe books (well, small part of it). If I ever gonna be organised, I think this should be the perfect area for me to start. Ever since the increase of the fuel price, things have been a bit tough, lesser customer for the cake business that we're planning an exit strategy. 

My husband is a bit superbusy lately that I have to take over buying the groceries. (yes, I don't like going out to buy because it's depressing when you have not been doing it for a while). My trips to the grocery shop is a bit upsetting. I somehow have made friends with them. It's like seeing friends instead of going to the grocery shops hahaha... Seriously.. every time I go inside, I'll greet everyone (worker) with salam. I think, some of the customers find it a bit weird but try it, it's great! I always get good service from them because of that (I guess, other than my charming smile ngeee).

Anyway, as contradicting as it sounds, it is a bit upsetting to go when it comes to the paying part. RM50 seems worthless nowadays, I can just spend it in minutes. Even the grocer agreed with me. He told me, spinach which normally costs RM4 per kg is now RM7 and they still have to mark up. I notice that the price increase is a bit too abrupt. I trust them so much that I never really bother to check the price. (Seriously). We have been buying from them since forever, and they will always tell if there's a price increase. They know we are selling cakes and they will give discount without us asking :D

Anyway, back to my recipe book, if planned, I guess, we can create hearty meals. I noticed at Pasar Malam (Night Market) in Bangi, they sell really fresh and cheap vegetables like RM5 for any 3 bunches. I just have to plan my meal so I can keep my vegetables fresh until the end of the week. Chicken is now chopped into smaller portion, divided into different parts like chicken breast (for Ayam masak Halia, spaghetti with white sauce, or chicken mushroom dip and sometimes popcorn chicken for snacking), the bony parts for soup or tom yam, the meaty ones for curry or masak lemak).

I guess, as soon as the new year starts, things are gonna be slightly more expensive because toll is gonna increase which gives a domino effect on the rest of the price. Insyaallah 2014 is gonna be a different year for me.. a busier me as I decided to be a serious blogger.. stay with me ya.. cause there will be updates on how I organise my meal..

Another Circle of Unaccomplished Resolution

I was cleaning up my notes and I found a book where I wrote my resolutions last year.. My heart was broken. It were all the same same resolution like this year which means most of them are never accomplished. I have to admit, 2011 was like a roller coaster for me. Despite the unaccomplished resolution, life was at the toughest (I think) and we braved almost all of it. We are now, insyaallah at the end of the roller coaster before another trip of roller coaster that we intend to ride (on our own accord). I remember riding the almost the same roller coaster back then in 2004-2005. We had to cling on to bits and pieces of strength and confidence that we have left in us. Last year or rather, a few months ago, we were reminded by Allah how we felt back then.

It's really strange and weird how we got courage from unexpected people or most of the time strangers. It's good to know who to depend on and who were our foe. Alhamdulillah.. we are grateful for every little help. We do not consider those who backed out as foe, if you ask me the truth.. They were the reasons that we become independent and braver to face judgment and criticism. They were the ones who make us realize that there is strength in us.

The courage and encouragement from people around us.. be it strangers and friends are surely not realized by them at all. I don't even think that they even realized how they have touched our lives positively. We, on the other hand, know exactly who we really owe to. And for this, we tend to cling on to the remarks and encouragement and the trust from them. The time spent, and ears lent are mostly paid back with our prayers to Allah so that they will be helped by others around them the way they helped us.

Mostly we get courage from our kids who makes the best of what we can afford to provide. We are grateful to Allah for having such grateful kids who never really complain or ask for anything. It's sad though, to realize how they have been keeping their needs and necessity to themselves. We never really hide anything from them. Any difficulties that we have are shared with them, not to burden them with the worries, but we believe that they can help especially by praying with us for the best!

Whatever it is.. along the way.. no matter how people affect you.. the one in control is you yourself.. You can't control what people do or say.. but what you can do is to stay as positive as you can and believe that whatever comes in front of you is a test specially for you from Allah the Almighty.. and having said that.. I'd say Alhamdulillah..

Another Circle of Unaccomplished Resolution

I LOVE BLOGHOPPING!

Hari ni.. sambil-sambil ber'facebook', bila nampak gambar kek cantik tu, mulalah klik sana klik sini.. Wah rupa-rupanya ramai orang yang menjual kek dari rumah macam nina.. Makin lama tengok makin cantik design.. Dah la cantik.. bermacam-macam variety kek dan kuih-muih.. Terasa kecik sungguh diri ini hahha..

Silap-silap hari bulan boleh lemah semangat tengok produk orang yang jauh lebih hebat dengan teknik fotografi yang 'first class'. Nina ni kadang-kadang ambil dengan kamera je.. tu yang silau sana silau sini!

Tapi tak boleh patah semangat tau!! Sebenarnya.. bila tengok orang punya.. kita mesti mengobarkan semangat kita! Yelah.. nak meniaga bukan senang tau! Kadang-kadang kita rasa dah cantik.. rupanya ada yang nak lagi cantik.. Kita belum pandai buat, customer dah order dulu.

Lepas tu.. kalau takat produk cantik pun tak jadi tau! Mesti kena ada rupa jugak.. Nina perasan, sesetengah orang tu tak kisah pun bayar lebih.. janji cantik dipandang dan sedap dimakan untuk dihadiahkan untuk orang yang tersayang.

Alhamdulillah.. Allah berikan kekuatan untuk bertahan dan dikurniakan anak-anak yang paling suka kalau nina masak! Apatah lagi sokongan padu sang suami yang tak putus-putus memberi support! Bisnes partner la katakan.. :D Okaylah ya! It's the last day of school holiday.. tengah pikir-pikir.. nak potong rambut budak2 ni ke tidak.. Chow dulu ya!!!

I LOVE BLOGHOPPING!

Giving up?

There was a time not long ago when I realised that it was easier to give up than to face the problem that was bothering me. I was frustrated, angry and most of the time avoid even thinking about it until I decided to give it a last shot before really giving up.

It was one of the worst moment when the people whom you thought you could count on were not there. Actually, I do have a list of people who I know I can always turn to if I ever needed help. It's not really a real list but just a mental list that I find comfort whenever I'm stuck somewhere. I guess, knowing that you have someone there gives me strength. I think that time (when I was about to give up) was a time that I felt completely lost. My dreams at night were the same repeated dreams over and over again. It was that time when I thought I was better awake when I sleep and yet I was better sleeping when I was awake. I wanted to give up so bad but I just couldn't.

I started praying istikharah.. I started seeking for help mentally (it was just like a rehearsal in my mind) but never blurted it out. It was just so comforting to do that. One day, out of a blue, a friend called me and brought us to see her friend. That friend took us to another friend. Of course it was never planned that way but somehow I met someone who offered us help; the most precious consultation and inside stories of the things that we have been searching for to be our inspiration. There were times when we were driving, we just made one impulsive decision to go somewhere and most of the time became an opportunity to meet really wonderful inspiring people who were more than happy to offer us strength and help. Alhamdulillah..

Sometimes, without intention, we accidentally blurted something that was supposed to be our secret but ended up having all sorts of support from friends who are not really close friends who became closer because of their faith in us and the courage that they give us and we are grateful Alhamdulillah.. We believe that those help from strangers and acquaintance and not-so-close friends came from Allah. Life is just full of surprises.

There are times that I wanted to cry just to let go of the heavy painful chest that I carry and there are times that I think, if I can face this (obstacle), I can face whatever obstacle that I have after this. When I look around me.. I could see that there are people who are in worse condition than us that whatever we are facing currently seem so trivial. Not that we find comfort when looking at other people's bigger problems, but looking at them makes us stronger in a way; knowing that they never really give up to face their bigger problem.

For those people who have been behind us.. you know how you have touched our lives. Even a smile works wonders. Your encouragement and soothing words really helped us through those times. We have not yet reached there but we know.. we have a 'new' mental list of people (some strangers remained strangers but our prayers are with you while some friends become closer friends) that we can turned to. Thanks for your ears for listening and the time you spent for us. May Allah bestow upon you His blessings and rahmah for He knows.

Giving up?