Yesterday he called.. i was happy.. he asked me "ibu, okay?". I felt tight in my chest.. my eyes were watery and i miss him tremendously... Despite my feelings, my voice was singing.. "Ibu okay!" The truth is .. i lied and i'm getting better at it.
It had never occurred to me to let my son stay in a hostel at 13. NEVER! It was never planned, it was not dreamed, it was not part of the plan.. Well, it was 2 weeks away from the closing date to apply for MRSM.. and my friend suggested that we gave him the experience.. We listened and we applied.. without having any intention but to expose him to the interview. Then, an sms came from a friend about this new school, Imtiaz Melaka. We were thrilled and we tried.
The next thing we know, it was time to say goodbye. I just couldn't go and buy his stuff, i let my husband did it with him, claiming and insisting that those time spent hunting for his stuff is good for father-son bonding. My son asked me.. will i be okay if he didn't cry.. or rather chose not to cry.. I asked him the same thing to.. so, we made a pact.. to let the time and our feeling decide.
He didn't even send us to car.. he waited in his room instead.. It was hard to say goodbye.. in fact we never really said goodbye.. the journey home was quiet.. i guess everyone was still in shock. Being a mother.. i could not help thinking of those mothers who had lost their children forever.
2 weeks had passed.. 2 weeks seems forever.. i still have watery eyes when i suddenly think of him and i know it's exactly the same time when he is actually thinking of me.. and when this happens.. i will quickly forget or try to forget him for i know our bond is so strong that i might just send my sadness to him.
i think by now.. you'll understand a mother's feeling..being away from her child. But.. i always see it as a sacrifice.. or more accurately a jihad in the name of Allah.. We never own anything..everything and everyone is loaned by Allah.. and alhamdulillah Allah.. for that i'm grateful.
One reason why I'm not strong enough to send liyana to boarding school. In one way we tend to be strong for the sake of our kids. But in another they need to know that we do feel sad being apart from them. It's ok to cry in front of your kids cause they need to know as well. They need to know that their mum is not that strong and have a soft heart...
ReplyDeletei only let him know when he's back at home.. and we cry together.. sedih..
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