Kenduri oh Kenduri!

Kali ni.. sebab cuti sekolah of course la musim kenduri kannn.. rasa nak menyentap sikit. Boleh? Alaa.. sekali-sekala apa salahnya kannn.. Tapi dah la selalu jarang menulis.. dah la tulis sekali-sekala, menyentap pulak tu.. tak ada pulak orang nak membaca blog ni nanti. Takpe lah.. tulis biarlah apa yang kita rasa.. Betul tak?

Kalau ikutkan hati.. kenduri ni lah yang paling buat saya serba salah. Dengan keadaan traffic jam sekarang ni yang tak tentu masa. Keluar awal pun salah, keluar lambat pun salah. Tak keluar langsung pun salah. Tapi semalam rupanya baru perasan ada kenduri kahwin. Event dekat Facebook tapi memang sebab tak masuk terus dalam handphone (handphone lah segala-galanya) memang dah pukul berapa baru terperasan. Nak pergi dah terlewat.

Sebenarnya.. boleh dikatakan saya ni fobia tang kenduri kahwin. Kalau yang tak berapa rapat tu lagilah. Jangan salah sangka pulak.. Dulu saya suka attend wedding especially acara nikah tapi sekarang ni walaupun hukumnya wajib tapi keadaan sekarang ni jadi serba salah. 

Ada sesetengah kenduri tu memang dah tak boleh nak attend sebab dah memang ada hal lain atau pun memang agak jauh dari kawasan yang plan tu. Kadang-kadang bila dah beriya jemput.. siap kata .. takpe datang lambat pun takpe. Kita malu-malu datang la jugak melepaskan hajat yang menjemput. 

Tapi bila keadaan caterer sekarang ni yang ada yang lain macam.. pukul 2 pakat-pakat mintak periuk dan bekas sebab depa nak bungkuih cepat walaupun dekat kad cakap acara sampai pukul 4-5 petang. Bila terdatang lewat dalam pukul 4, tuan rumah dah terjadi malu-malu.. terus pulak cakap "Ala.. apasal datang lambat sangat". Kadang-kadang kita makan bukan nak makan sangat, tapi lebih kepada nak rai pengantin. Kita pulak jadi macam menyusahkan.. jadi kadang rasa kalau dah jam macam cuti sekolah macam ni.. rasa macam malas nak pergi.

Sekarang pulak trend pengantin dok buat photo shoot kat luar. Aiseyman.. kadang-kadang rasa macam culture tu bukan culture kita.. nak buat pre wedding photo shoot. Dah kena dua kali bayar make up dan baju.. Pulak tu.. takkan nak posing maut sebelum nikah.. (Awat la tak nikah masa tunang je sebab masa tunang pun dah ada pelamin). Anyway.. sedih sebab pengantin mesti lupa.. dalam keghairahan mencipta memori terindah.. lupa tang tetamu datang nak rai dan mendoakan depa. Kan rasulullah dah ajar doa pengantin macam yang Maher Zain selalu nyanyi.

Make up pakai tebal-tebal siap bulu mata palsu.. Makeup kena awal, dalam pukul 11 pagi dah stand by.. Kompang bunyi around 1-2 petang. Kenduri habis dalam pukul 4-5. Rasa-rasa ada tak yang terbabas tak solat zohor sebab tak boleh nak tanggal makeup. Mak andam pulak lelaki.. habis tu macam mana nak simpan air sembahyang. Kalau mak andam perempuan.. baju pengantin ketat atau jarang.. nak serkup telekung pun takut tersangkut kerongsang. Lagipun nak rukuk pun tak lepas, apatah pulak nak sujud dengan baju pengantin. Satu waktu je.. takpelah..

Kadang-kadang rasa serba tak kena wedding reception zaman sekarang. Dengan lagu ntah hape hape, ada ke malaikat dok kat situ? Pulak tu.. semasa dok perkenal dengan saudara mara, salam semua orang dah tak kira muhrim ke tak. Yelah kan.. kalau tak salam pak sedara suami, nanti kata kurang sopan pula, sebenarnya kalau ikut hukum memang tak boleh.

Yang paling letih sekali, sudah tentunya pihak lelaki yang banyak menanggung duit dan dosa. Yelah kan, sekarang hantaran dah ribu raban, nak kumpul duit pun kena tangguh kawin lagi lama. Terpaksalah buat loan sebab nak tanggung pelamin, make up, kenduri sakan. Dah macam tu.. kena cari duit untuk kenduri menyambut pulak. 

Paling tak larat nak menanggung dosa isteri dengan auratnya. Yelah.. dah setuju nak menanggung semuanya bila akad nikah kan..

Hmm.. jenuh nak memikirkan.. ada tak cara yang lebih mudah untuk menikah. Makin moden rasa macam makin susah nak menikah. Takut habis berpuluh-puluh ribu.. bahagianya tidak sebab tak ada keberkatan.

Okaylah.. cukup lah menyentap kali ni.. Lain kali kita sentap lagi ya.. Sebenarnya.. entry kali ni tak ada kena mengena dengan wedding siapa-siapa pun.. cuma reflect trend sekarang ni :D Jadi yg terasa tu jgn terasa tawwww... Peace!

Kenduri oh Kenduri!

Teacher's Day?

Facebook today are all splattered with wishes for Teachers. It's teacher's day and being a baker means, all time spent for cake decorating people's order than celebrating our kids' teacher. [sigh].

Just a few days ago, before starting doing promo for our cake business, I really thought of my primary school life. It was not really a good memory. 

I told my kids about how I was smacked with the long yellow ruler while I was already punished standing on the chair. It was simply because I misunderstood the phrase "ambil gambar" (take photo). The humiliation was seen by the whole class. I could feel my face went inches thicker, reddened by my stupidity.

Later on, I told my kids how I was slapped on my cheek by the same teacher (I can't remember what the reason was) and interrogated by the headmaster the very next day. I bet my mom actually called school to complaint. 

I cried even more when she stammered when she tried to explain to the headmaster what exactly happened.

I remember being frightened each time that particular teacher walked into the class. My body went stiff and my mind jammed each time. Time seemed to pass extemely slow.

I didn't submit my Maths exercise book for months. Each time, praying that she will enter the class and I would escape each time. The time came when she discovered that I have not been passing my book. I was horrible.

I could still remember how she flipped through the exercise book, hearing the paper swished as she went through the book. I was so scared I wished I was never born.

Finally, I also remembered how I sneaked using the back door that day when I was extremely late, the bell was rung way long ago, not a single person could be seen outside classrooms. I was terrified, walked quietly or rather sneaking and quietly entered the classroom using the back door praying really hard she didn't see me.

During raya that year, there was a long queue in our class. Only the fiercest teacher gave raya money. RM0.50 each. We could use that money to buy Nasi Lemak back then. But I didn't buy it. The teacher hated me. I was scared to go to school. RM0.50 was not enough to make a difference. I was reluctant to queue to take it. I was still scared.

I spent years thinking how things could have been different. It shattered my confidence and self esteem and yet I didn't hate her.. I was just scared of her. I remember my English teacher who taught us "One, two buckle my shoe" and we had great jolly time singing. That gave me hope a bit about school. I was grateful that at least there was something to look forward to.

Years and years went by.. A teacher is always a teacher. I learnt that this fierce teacher is my teacher after all. I remember my "Kad Sulit" writes "Guru" as my ambition from that year after (Standard 2) onwards. I have never been so sure about being a teacher and somehow I believe that I am born to be a teacher. I always declare that I'm born-teacher and a teacher different from the rest!

I never really got angry when students do not understand and keep on asking silly question. In fact, I always welcome silly question and insist that no question is too silly to ask.. 

I give 'discount' for those who haven't passed up their book and swear that I'll not get angry if they haven't sent for a while and give them opportunity to start back!

I made friends with my students so they don't have to fear me the way I feared her.. and most importantly.. she taught me to love unconditionally no matter how bad people treat you.. believe that every single person you met has a reason for being there be it negative or positive because Allah has a way of reaching you and will never leave you unattended.

Dear Teacher ********, I forgive you for hurting me.. you are my teacher indeed and I forgive myself for being the person I was and promise you that I will be the best teacher just the way you are.. in my own way.. 

Happy Teacher's Day.    

Teacher's Day?

Rupanya Dendam Tak Habis Lagi :(

Alkisah bertahun dulu berkursus. Terjumpalah sorang yang paling menyakitkan hati. Saya ingat sejelas-jelasnya apa yang dia lakukan yang membuatkan saya sakit hati. Rupanya agak manis, boleh dibuat calon suami tapi saya begitu benci dia. Sebenarnya kursus tu dah lama.. lebih dari 20 tahun tapi sakit hati saya tak pernah padam. Banyak kali juga saya 'google' nama dia tapi memang tak jumpa. Ada jumpa tapi tak ada gambar dan pencarian saya belum berakhir sebab tadi je saya baru 'google' lagi. Bila difikirkan, apa yang penting sangat untuk saya 'jumpa' dia. Tertanya-tanya juga, kalau saya terjumpa, puas atau tidak hati saya? Saya pernah bagitau suami saya, kalau-kalau bila kami berjalan-jalan, tiba-tiba saya lempang seseorang.. tak lain tak bukan itulah orangnya.. Kih kih kih.. kelakar lah jugak, berani ke nak lempang orang, buatnya salah orang. Ataupun, katakanlah tiba-tiba terjumpa, dia berkopiah dan berjubah.. agak-agak nak terus lempang ke tidak. Banyak betul kenangan pahit dalam hidup ini tapi kebanyakkannya saya dah 'let go'. Buktinya, bila terjumpa kawan-kawan sekolah di facebook dulu, banyak memori saya yang dah terkubur. Banyak okay.. saya pun terkejut sebenarnya. Saya kira reunion saya tu dalam 2 tahun lepas, dan tahun sebelumnya, agak ramai jugalah saya 'ter'jumpa kawan-kawan sekolah rendah. Malangnya kebanyakan memori sekolah memang saya tak ingat. Bila saya selidik, rupanya saya telah berjaya memadamkan kenangan saya di sekolah sejak dari darjah 6 hinggalah ke tingkatan 3. Pelik kan? Rupa-rupanya.. saya banyak kenangan pahit semasa umur 12-15 sampai saya terpaksa padamkan sampai seolah-olah tahun itu tidak pernah berlaku. Saya cuma boleh ingat yang extreme sahaja. Berbalik cerita mamat benci ni. Nak dijadikan cerita, saya rasa saya terjumpa satu gambarnya di internet.. Punyalah sibuk benci dia sampai saya pun tak boleh nak verify sama ada itu gambarnya ataupun tidak. Jenuh saya keluarkan gambar kursus dulu dan bandingkan. Saya rasa sahlah itu orangnya tapi saya pun tak berapa yakin. Jadi, saya tertanya-tanya. Mungkinkah saya perlu melupakan dia 100% sebab kalau saya jumpa dia pun rasanya dia pun tak ingat kat saya dan tak ingat pun agaknya apa perangai dia yang menyakitkan hati.. Jadi nak tanya uols.. patutkah saya: 1) maafkan dan lupakan 2) buat tak tau dan move on 3) cari sampai dapat dan lempang 4) anggaplah itu satu pengalaman yang mendewasakan.. komen2 tawwwww...

Rupanya Dendam Tak Habis Lagi :(