Everything against Me? Or is it me?

It has been a long week since last week.. Tried really hard to be positive but I really think that everything is against me!

It all started last week when Azly went to Bali. Luckily Nani, my sister in law is here to help me with my baking.. 600 wedding favors, 4 pieces of marble shortbread each.. which total up to 2,400 pieces, divided by 144 per tray, so I have to bake 16.7777 trays or marble shortbread. Another 500 pieces of traditional sampret for the groom's family. That will be another 3.333 big trays of sampret.

Initially, it was supposed to be chocolate cupcakes.. 600 cupcakes will take only 1 day to bake.. another day to pack.. but Nani has her practicum and there's no way I can bake the cakes that early compared to cookies.. Should have followed my instinct and do choc chip cookies instead of marble.. 'cari penyakit!'. Itu sebenarnya!

To make things worse.. the kids were having their exam. The problem is not those who are taking exam, it's the other 2 who are really bored, while waiting for their brother and sister revising.

Honestly, I don't know whether it's the fact that they miss their father, or the exam woes, or craving for my attention as I spent more time baking.. or is it just an exam for me; whether I can tame my temper in front of the audience i.e Maksu Nani. I don't really care to know about the reason, but what worries me is the fact that I could lose my temper and do things that I regret.

This afternoon was IT. Haziq really tested me.. As soon as he woke up from his nap, he had this looonngg face without any reason. Oddly enough the expression reminds me of Nabil from school. Is he trying to test my patience as Nabil tested this afternoon during my English, it was a big mistake, I scolded Nabil this afternoon after weeks of patience! True enough, my patience was thinning and when he refused to wear his shoes, I pulled his ear from the porch into the car after 5 whips of cane (of course it was not that hard! I recited A'uzubillah and bismillah before I caned him, in case it was not my temper the the temptation of satans near my ears). We were really late to fetch Naufal and Nurul from school and I really didn't want them to go running around the school.

I ignored him completely.. he cried.. (of course he cried)..
The minute we came back from school, it was time to play outside.. All of a sudden, he was all cheerful while I still feel bitter.. bitter because I had to punish him when it was not necessary if only he did not try that hard to annoy me. I can't blame myself, can I?

He had to apologize before he could go out. I simply asked him why.. he could not even think of a reason for his misbehaviour. I asked him whether he was trying to immitate Nabil and he nodded.. We shook hands but we didn't make up.. After he played outside, he kissed me.. and I wonder why..

6.57p.m
27 May 2009

Everything against Me? Or is it me?