Trying to be a Perfect Mom? Don't Try too Hard..

Mother's Day has just passed.. Often we think about our own mother on that day rather than thinking about ourself as a mother..

It's a mixed feeling everytime .. We regret the things that we did to our mother and wish we acted differently.. We kept on giving excuses on our actions. We kept on saying that we were just so young to understand the sacrifice.. the hardwork of our mother.. until we become mothers ourselves..

I remember the grudges I had against my mother that lasted for years.. I am among the lucky ones who still have my mother to make up things that I did when I was a teenager.. I remember being angry at my mother for a very very long time before I slowly learnt that it was leading nowhere but pain...

I remember those things that I did that clearly and purposely done to hurt my mother and try really hard to mend it.. It's difficult, I admit, as I will never open up to her the things that I regret (in case she already forgotten about it.. and I really don't want to remind her of those memories). Every raya, I can't even finished what I planned to say.. I'll start crying and pray that she will forgive everything wrongdoing that I've done.

Years have passed and I still have regrets! Regrets on the things that could have been different if only I think before I do things.. Ironically.. I know.. the regrets are mutual.. Deep down inside me, I think she has some regrets too... as a mother..

Sometimes, she will tell us how lucky we are now as there are many parenting books available and how she wishes that the books are there during her time.. She will sometimes be so defensive and come with all sorts of reasons when she sees me doing the same thing that she did to us when we were small... And most importantly.. she shows us the things that she would have done in the past by doing it with her grandchildren.. (things that she never did to us when we were small).. and each time she shows any hint of regret.. I'll let her know how great she is as a mother! and now, it is my turn.. with my kids..

I always promise myself that I'll be a good mother.. A mother who is perfect for her kids.. adored and loved by her kids.. but being human means to make errors.. you can read tonnes of books on parenting and educate ourselves with the knowledge required.. but do remember, we can just try our best.. The way we react will depend on a lot of things.. surrounding.. environment.. your children's reaction.. their own crisis in life.. which is not stated exactly in parenting books.

I pray to Allah.. to be loved unconditionally and forgiven by my kids even when I fail to be as perfect as they want me to be..

Hopefully.. if we follow the basic rules of Islam.. the ways that Allah shows us in Al-Quran and Hadith.. we will be the best parents for our kids.. insyaallah..

Trying to be a Perfect Mom? Don't Try too Hard..