Resting Day!

I just finished my exam the day 2 days ago.. It's just a 15-day-weekend-course, but it seemed to take control over my life. It was just supposed to be a simple course; something to complement the practical life as a part time kindy teacher. But then, little that I know it came with 'practical' / 'amali' and an 3-hour exam. It was rewarding yet exhausting. By the end of the course which I did along with my life as a baker, I was mentally exhausted. I am not a multi tasker and I always wonder how some can manage working full time and attend the course at the same time both playing mother and wife. For me it was like a battle. A tough one.

The house; a complete mess especially with the avalanche of materials that I bought for the course, the massive pile of books and notes that needs sorting and the routine; which has been turned upside down. The result = tired mind that crave for sleep and more sleep. 

I'm drowning slowly in the mess that I create, the procrastination that never ends as I try to avoid facing it. 

I remember, a few friends coming by.. some causes me to jump when try to cover as much as I can.. and some that doesn't affect me at all. When they go home.. and I look around.. I feel blessed for having friends who do not mind at all.. I love how the see me and me alone.

Insyaallah.. I'll handle this; one at a time.. Little by little.. things are gonna get back to normal.. Alhamdulillah.. my little helper is more than willing to sort things out.. I feel blessed because during those time of worries.. she's always lend a helping hand.. comforting words and time to help me work things out. Embarrassing as it is, I have to admit.. it's a bit irony because I should be the one lending her my hands and time. 

Off I go.. first thing first.. My teaching files need sorting. Half way done on my baking table.. Adios!

Resting Day!

Day 6: Not Feeling Well.. Ahamdulillah..

I've been complaining so much that Allah granted my wishes.. Alhamdulillah.. our cake business has been blooming and I'm forever grateful.. well that's what I said. But I did the opposite.. being ungrateful.

I did complaint to my business partner that I'm not getting enough rest and not having enough time to clean up the house that I need a cleaner.. Among my other complaints were having not much time to do new RnD for new products.. but what I remember most is the fact that with baking.. I have lesser time talking to my kids as I have strict rules when it comes to baking.. 'NO TALKING WHEN IBU'S WEIGHING' 'PIPING NEEDS CONCENTRATION.. PLEASE BE QUIET" and it's sick!

Anyway.. it's the end of my sixth day (this entry took many2 hours and actually I'm finishing this on the 7th day) and I'm feeling better.. I have started baking and some of the cakes are on the way to be delivered. 

Alhamdulillah.. Allah granted me the rest that I want.. finally.. Without this coughing, flu and fever.. I might not take the rest that I want. I think it is a blessing in disguise indeed.. I spent time resting while keeping in touch with friends via Facebook, did a little research on youtube, pinterest and google of course.. (but I haven't done my slide for my english teacher training huhuhuhu.

I won't guarantee that I will not complaint.. but I just realize that.. being grateful does not only mean you say alhamdulillah.. but it should be accompanied by your action.. but I have to say.. saying it trains you to be grateful in action.. for a start.. till we meet again!

Day 6: Not Feeling Well.. Ahamdulillah..

Special Entry for Someone Special

It's someone's birthday today.. well, it's 40 minutes away before the birthday ends so I guess I'd just write something for her. I've stopped wishing birthdays.. I used to.. but somehow when something happened in my life and I got to know who my real friends are.. I've stopped wishing completely.. I just find it a bit hypocritical to somehow wish and not to the same thing behind our back..

One thing about our life is it's full of surprises.. but what we do have to believe is Allah is always with us all the time.. It's never a surprise for Him.. Everything is planned the way He wants it to be.. Every challenge we face is to draw us near Him. Look around us.. be grateful for what we have and never fail to thank Him. I'm just thankful for having you in my life. There are things that we don't see until someone point it out to you.. and you are one of the people that pointed something in my life making it more meaningful.. and I pray that one day.. you'll find someone like to to show you the extraordinary things that you can reach in your life..

Till we meet again in cyber space! Happy Birthday, my prayers with you.. {will not share what my prayers are though - lebih maqbul ;D}

Special Entry for Someone Special

Hari Wukuf

Dulu-dulu tak jugak ambil tahu.. satu hari tengok Discovery Channel kalau tak salah mengenai Haji. Ada satu American lady yang revert dan ada satu slot tu.. memang tunjuk pasal Wukuf di Arafah.. Menitik-nitik air mata jemaah di sana..

Rupa-rupanya.. hari wukuf hari yang paling ramai Allah ampunkan dosa.. Punyalah ramai orang yang wukuf di Arafah.. insyallah Allah ampunkan dosa semuanya.. Sebab itulah.. kita yang tak kesampaian untuk pergi ke sana.. boleh juga berpuasa dan tumpang berdoa di sini..

Sesungguhnya Allah maha Pengampun.. Teringat satu cerita di tv.. seorang pelacur yang tak mahu bertaubat sebab dia pasti Allah takkan ampunkan dosanya kerana hidupnya bergelumang dengan dosa. Pada hakikatnya Allah itu pasti akan ampunkan selagi ianya bukan dosa sesama manusia. Minta kita dijauhkan dari dosa syirik.. Selagi kita bertaubat Allah akan ampunkan.. cuma tinggal lagi.. takut kita leka dan tak sempat bertaubat.

Bertaubatlah.. selagi sempat.. Fikirkanlah tentang dosa2 kita yang lalu.. sama ada yang sengaja atau tidak.. aurat2 kita yang tak sempurna ditutup.. hati kita yang sakit.. perasaan yang marah dengan nasib yang pada hakikatnya apa2 yang berlaku dalam hidup kita itu sudah pasti satu tanda Allah menyayangi kita.

Beringatlah.. dan minta diingatkan.. kerana manusia sentiasa lupa. Berdoa dan percayalah.. yakin bahawa Allah akan ampunkan dosa kita. Ingatlah.. kita hanya hambanya.. tak punya apa2.. lahir di dunia tanpa seurat benang pun.. dianugerahkan mata.. telinga.. kulit.. Apa yang kita ada di dunia ini sebenarnya tiada satu pun hak mutlak kita. Tiada yang pasti di dunia ini..

Jangan lupa.. Allah sentiasa mendengar.. Bertaubatlah.. sudah pasti tiada satu hari pun yang kita lalui tanpa sebarang dosa.. bawak kereta pun boleh ada dosa.. himpit orang.. marah kalau orang himpit kita.. dekat tol pun terbuat dosa.. tersentuh tangan dgn tak berlapik.. Dekat FB, tertengok benda yang tak sepatut kita tengok, perasaan iri hati, merungut dan tanpa kita sedari.. kita berkira masa dengan Allah.. Tidak setiap hari kita bertaubat.. tidak setiap detik kita melakukan dosa kita terus beristighfar.. mungkinkah ada dosa yang kita lupa bertaubat.. Mungkinkah ada perkara yang biasa kita lakukan tapi kita tak perasan bahawa itu adalah dosa..

Saya tidak perfect.. saya juga melakukan dosa.. sedar atau tidak setiap orang bergelumang dengan dosa.. Mungkin setiap orang punya dosa yang berbeza tetapi tak seorang pun yang terlepas dari melakukan dosa..

Ya Allah.. di hari wukuf ini.. kami bertaubat ya Allah.. jangan kau hukum kami dengan dosa yang kami lalukan tanpa disedari atau tidak.. Kami lalai ya Allah.. jangan kau hukum kami atas kelalaian kami.. Ya Allah.. ampunilah dosa2 yang dilakukan oleh mata kami.. hati kami ya Allah.. Kau berikanlah kami hidayah.. dan kami pinta ya Allah.. jangan kau bolak-balikkan hati kami setelah kau berikan hidayah Ya Allah.. Ya Allah.. jauhi kami dari melakukan dosa ya Allah.. Kau bukakanlah pintu taubat kami ya Allah.. Kasihanilah kami ya Allah.. Amiin amiin ya robbal 'alamiin..

Hari Wukuf

I've been away for so long.. I've stopped writing almost completely.. When I traced.. my life started changing 2 years ago.. It's like attending School of Life.. Life has not been easy.. Life has been tough.. I guess.. it's a wake up call for me from Allah.. I made a promise to one of my ardent readers (yup, she told me that) that I'll continue writing.. Some asked why I've stopped and a friend insisted that her life is affected by my writings and said she's waiting. I've asked my husband's consent to share our story.. and here it goes.. I'm ready.. I'm BACK!

Friends or Not?

Hmm.. ever since I work from home.. Facebook has become my new office.. Selling cakes through FB is quite rewarding.. Cyber friends from Facebook Groups sometimes are closer now that I have more time online than offline. I don't really join many groups.. only the ones that I feel belong. Sometimes I've been added by friends to new groups.. I never really leave group.. but not being active either. Sometimes I stumble upon the same friends in many many groups and cannot help wondering.. is it because we have the same passion or problems that we think about..

The question is.. is there any difference between acquaintance, friends, close friends, cyber friends? I do notice that some cyber friends became best friends while best friends become colder and farer since most of my time are spent virtually.. I do notice some of my friendship remain silent and yet warm at heart. There are friends who I don't really contact online or offline but somehow we know we always remember each other. (There are two friends like this, really.. we really do not contact even for years sometimes.. but I know she always think and pray for me..vice versa). Don't ask me how I know but somehow I just know. There are also long lost friends especially those whom you met once long time ago during gathering and remain silent as you have not got the chance to get to know them because you've stopped attending the gathering.

Anyway... I just thought that I might not be in the real friends' list (be it in my own account or in FB groups) when :

1) S/he replies other people's comment but not mine.
2) S/he ignores me completely or giving me the cold shoulder
3) S/he disagrees with whatever I say even when it's just a simple joke
4) S/he stops commenting immediately everytime I comment on the thread
5) She starts doing all of the above after reading this entry
6) all of the above at the same time

This is NOT a NEGATIVE entry okay.. this is just me.. reflecting my FB moment.. I don't really feel small nor do I feel sad.. as I said...I'm merely reflecting.. so.. having said that, are you my friend? If not.. just please 'unfriend' me because you have no right stalking on my life on FB if you're not one hehehe.. or is it part of the plan? being FB friends so that you can see my life easily without being my real friends..

Come to think of it.. I may have a few that I have to 'unfriend' because I'm not doing justice to them.. Taaa!

Friends or Not?

Wahai Stranger.. Percayalah Rezeki Allah itu Ada Buat HambaNya..

He was a total stranger.. Betul bentul.. tinggi-tinggi bercermin mata. Senang cerita.. gayanya macam Rosham Noor masa berlakon menjadi suami dalam Suami, Isteri dan ...

Kami memang tidak mengenalinya.. tiba-tiba dia menjelma, kami juga tidak pasti di manakah kami berjumpa dia buat pertama kalinya. Dia seakan-akan kagum mendengar kami mempunyai 5 anak tapi bekerja sendiri dari rumah. Sedangkan dia mempunyai kiosk menjual pakaian lelaki dan juga bekerja bersama An di sebuah kedai emas menjadi salesman.

Kami terjumpa di shopping complex. Kerana kelurusan bendulnya, kami mempercayainya untuk membawa anak-anak kami ke tingkat bawah. Entah kenapa hati ini 'cuak' kalau-kalau lurus bendulnya itu sekadar lakonan. Cepat-cepat kami mengingatkan tentang apa yang diceritakan tentang kiosknya. Cepat-cepat kami turun ke tingkat bawah dan bergegas ke kiosknya. Sedang kami cuak, kami menyiasat kiosknya.. Boleh tahan, pakaian yang dijualnya. Apatah lagi kiosknya itu bersebelahan dengan kedai emas tempat dia bekerja. Kami terjumpa secebis kertas bertulis.. "Maafkan ayah" di bawahnya tertulis senarai beberapa cd lucah.. Ah.. rupanya si betul bendul ini ada 3 kerja.. Patutlah dia memang menghormati kami dan agak tertarik dengan kami yang betul-betul full time berniaga kek.

Lega.. tak sampai seminit kami di kiosknya.. dia tersenyum meleret dengan anak-anak kami. Legaa.. terasa bersalah pulak kerana berfikiran yang bukan-bukan. Walaupun begitu.. kami rasa terkilan.. kerana orang yang nampak gaya jujur seperti ini terpaksa mengorbankan imannya menjual cd lucah untuk mencari wang lebih sedangkan belum lagi mempunyai anak berderet-deret. Astaghfirullah.. kami terlalu cepat melabelnya.. Entah-entah cebisan kertas itu bukan miliknya.. Atau sebenarnya dia tidak pun menjual cd lucah cuma kami yang terlalu cepat membuat spekulasi. Sebenarnya, kami tak sempat berbual panjang dengannya sebab dia bergegas ke kaunter emas untuk melayan pelanggan sebaik sahaja dia menyerahkan kembali anak-anak kami. Ternyata dia memang orang yang baik-baik, dari raut mukanya, dari gayanya. Jadi entry blog kali ni ditujukan khas buatnya..

Percayalah Rezeki Allah itu Ada Buat HambaNya..

Walau tika balai melanda.. percayalah Rezeki Allah itu ada. Percayalah.. jika ianya bukan rezeki kita.. rezeki itu takkan jatuh ke tangan kita.. Ingatlah kadang-kadang kuih yang sedap yang sudah dibeli dengan nilai RM yang tinggi akan jatuh ke tanah juga.. dimakan oleh burung gagak yang selalunya makan dari tong sampah.. kerana ianya bukan rezeki kita.. Mungkin kita terpaksa berlapar berbanding gagak itu dan tidak hairan jika Allah memberikan kita lapar kerana kuih yang sedap itu mungkin mendatangkan penyakit kepada kita atau mungkin kuih itu belum betul tentu kesuciannya dan Allah sebenarnya menyelamatkan kita.

Percayalah.. di dunia ini, biarlah kita bekerja dengan gaji yang kecil tapi nilainya besar di mata Allah dek kerana keihklasan kita mengerjakannya kerana Allah. Dan percayalah.. rezeki itu tidak pernah sikit kerana Allah maha Pengasih dan sentiasa memberi kepada hambaNya yang terbaik..

Dan percayalah.. rezeki itu sebenarnya datang dalam berbagai bentuk dan cara. Sahabat yang baik, hati yang tenang, jiran yang berhemah, kereta buruk yang jarang-jarang rosak! Jangan sekali-kali percaya.. hidup kita yang paling susah kerana kaya tidak bermakna bahagia.. miskin tak bermakna binasa.

Percayalah.. Allah tidak akan meninggalkan kita apatah lagi apabila kita bekerja keranaNya.. dan memastikan apa yang dilakukan halal dan tidak memberikan kebinasaan kepada orang lain. Berniaga CD lucah sebagai jalan cepat.. memang mampu menjana wang dengan cepat.. tapi menggadai iman dan membuat 'investment' di jalan yang salah. Pernahkan anda terfikir.. bahawa kesan buruk dan dosa dari perbuatan hasil dari video lucah yang kita jual.. sedikit sebanyak memberikan saham akhirat kepada kita. Maukah kita bertanggungjawab jika orang yang membeli CD itu.. akhirnya beronani atau lebih teruk lagi merogol kerana tidak dapat melawan nafsu dek kerana CD tersebut.

Bertaubatlah si Bendul sebelum terlalu lewat. Percayalah Allah itu sentiasa berada di sisi orang yang beriman dan yang selalu berjuang untuk menegakkan syiarNya. Percayalah Rezeki Allah itu ada. Jangan kau gadai imanmu..

Kami terkilan kerana kami tidak tahu namanya.. tidak berusaha untuk lebih mengenalinya.. Tidak pula meminta nombor telefonnya kerana pertemuan kami dengannya hanya seketika mungkin tak lebih dari 10 minit... Tapi alhamdulillah.. ya Allah.. kami bersyukur kerana Kau menemukannya dengan kami walaupun hanya seketika sebagai tanda peringatan dari Mu untuk kami berkongsi di sini.. tentang keesaanMu, tentang rezekimu dan tentang kebahagiaan di dunia.. Terima kasih ya Allah.. kerana menghantar total Stranger itu ke dalam mimpiku.. Ya, dia hanyalah sebahagian dari mimpiku.. Alhamdulillah..

Wahai Stranger.. Percayalah Rezeki Allah itu Ada Buat HambaNya..

I Lied, My Son... I Felt Awful

I promised my sis in law to let her know my feelings when i sent my son to his school..

Yesterday he called.. i was happy.. he asked me "ibu, okay?". I felt tight in my chest.. my eyes were watery and i miss him tremendously... Despite my feelings, my voice was singing.. "Ibu okay!" The truth is .. i lied and i'm getting better at it.

It had never occurred to me to let my son stay in a hostel at 13. NEVER! It was never planned, it was not dreamed, it was not part of the plan.. Well, it was 2 weeks away from the closing date to apply for MRSM.. and my friend suggested that we gave him the experience.. We listened and we applied.. without having any intention but to expose him to the interview. Then, an sms came from a friend about this new school, Imtiaz Melaka. We were thrilled and we tried.

The next thing we know, it was time to say goodbye. I just couldn't go and buy his stuff, i let my husband did it with him, claiming and insisting that those time spent hunting for his stuff is good for father-son bonding. My son asked me.. will i be okay if he didn't cry.. or rather chose not to cry.. I asked him the same thing to.. so, we made a pact.. to let the time and our feeling decide.

He didn't even send us to car.. he waited in his room instead.. It was hard to say goodbye.. in fact we never really said goodbye.. the journey home was quiet.. i guess everyone was still in shock. Being a mother.. i could not help thinking of those mothers who had lost their children forever.

2 weeks had passed.. 2 weeks seems forever.. i still have watery eyes when i suddenly think of him and i know it's exactly the same time when he is actually thinking of me.. and when this happens.. i will quickly forget or try to forget him for i know our bond is so strong that i might just send my sadness to him.

i think by now.. you'll understand a mother's feeling..being away from her child. But.. i always see it as a sacrifice.. or more accurately a jihad in the name of Allah.. We never own anything..everything and everyone is loaned by Allah.. and alhamdulillah Allah.. for that i'm grateful.

I Lied, My Son... I Felt Awful

Sentap Tersentap: Fenomena Biasa di Facebook!

Pernah menyentap? Ke lagi selalu tersentap? Kat Facebook ni macam-macam hal! Ada sekali upload gambar buat kek.. kena sentap jugak.. Bila kita post benda general.. tiba-tiba kat wall orang lain.. ada tulis yang lebih kurang sama tapi dengan nada yang tersentap.. Mungkinkah satu kebetulan.. tapi mungkinkah satu konspirasi meluahkan perasaan? Ke tak ada kena mengena.. tapi kalau dah selalu sangat nada tersentap itu dalam setengah jam selepas status updates, mungkinkah itu satu kebetulan?

Ada pulak yang selalu sangat menyentap.. sikit sikit menyentap.. orang yang cuba disentap tak tersentap.. siap 'Like' pulak status tu.. Kadang-kadang kita tau... sesetengah tu memang dah ada 'grudges' kat luar Facebook..terbawa-bawa pulak di alam siber. Yang bestnya.. orang yang tanpa niat untuk disentap pulak yang terasa. Walhal tak ada kena mengena pun..

Sebenarnya.. tersentap itu bagus.. Cuma yang tak bagus tu.. kemungkinan untuk bersangka buruk itu ada. Tersentap itu sebenarnya menunjukkan yang kita memang dah ada 'guilt conscious'. Kita sendiri yang rasa bersalah, walaupun orang tak ada niat nak kata kat kita. Bak kata orang tua.. siapa makan cili, dialah terasa pedas.. Kalau tak makan cili.. tak rasalah pedas tu.. Jangan la pulak.. tak makan cili, tiba-tiba rasa pedas.. Kan susah dibuatnya.

Bagi yang tolong masak cili tu pulak.. janganlah pedaskan sangat.. Macam masak lemak cili padi.. menyengat tapi orang suka makan dan tambah tambah lagi. Ini tidak.. bagi cili padi.. lepas tu tenyeh selagi boleh tenyeh. Cili ni versatile.. ada cili kurang pedas, ekstra pedas.. ada jugak pedas tapi tak terasa kepedasannya sebab sedap! Orang yang pandai masak lemak cili macam tu.. memang orang mintak tambah lagi. Kan bagus macam tu..

Hmm.. betul-betul risky entry nina kali ni.. karang ramai yang terasa pulak.. tapi nina berani take that risk! Sebab nina sayang korang! Tak salah kan sekali sekala nina try masak lemak cili padi hehehe.. Apa-apapun.. lepas ni kalau nak tersentap.. sentap sopan-sopan ya.. Bukan apa.. takut nanti orang label kita meroyan pulak.. Lagi parah..

That's it for now, peace yaw!!!

p/s tak ada niat nak kenakan siapa siapa pun.. cuma nina reflect bila tengok macam2 status kat FB.. tapi nina minta ampun siap2 la ya.. kalau tersentap, anggaplah nina lakukan ini kerana Allah..

Sentap Tersentap: Fenomena Biasa di Facebook!

Hari ni kita cerita masak sikit la ya..

Sebenarnya stok barang makanan dalam rumah dah tinggal sikit jadi.. jenuh la dok mereka apa nak masak. Sekarang ni dah tak rajin buat stok macam dulu.. Bila nak masak baru beli.. bila malas nak masak, terus beli lauk balik masak nasi. Jadi nina nak kongsi "My Food Emergency List". Ecewah! Bukan apa.. nina selalu stock kan barang-barang ni untuk cater last minute cooking plan. Bukan eksyen taw tapi kot la ada yg kadang2 mati kutu nak masak apa ;D

1. Telur - staple food okay.. 

• masak kicap, taucu, scrambled egg, sambal telur, sandwich telur, masak kurma, separuh masak, kari telur, nasi goreng cina dan macam2 lagi!!!

 

2. Makaroni 

• Makaroni goreng (masak bengong je.. crushed garlic + tomato sauce + chilli sauce + oyster sauce + daun sup (opt) + pcah telur fuuuh)

3. Pasta / Spaghetti

• Bolognese, with Sup Ayam, with White Sauce

4. Ikan Bilis

• Sambal, Nasi goreng kampung, cucur, kerabu (bawang perah limau je yumss).

5. ROTI!!!! (this should be no 1 haha)

• sandwich (mcm2), roti telur, puding roti, toast bread, cicah kari / masak lemak.
  
  kaylah.. nak tgk AJL, nanti sambung hehee

Another Circle of Unaccomplished Resolution

I was cleaning up my notes and I found a book where I wrote my resolutions last year.. My heart was broken. It were all the same same resolution like this year which means most of them are never accomplished. I have to admit, 2011 was like a roller coaster for me. Despite the unaccomplished resolution, life was at the toughest (I think) and we braved almost all of it. We are now, insyaallah at the end of the roller coaster before another trip of roller coaster that we intend to ride (on our own accord). I remember riding the almost the same roller coaster back then in 2004-2005. We had to cling on to bits and pieces of strength and confidence that we have left in us. Last year or rather, a few months ago, we were reminded by Allah how we felt back then.

It's really strange and weird how we got courage from unexpected people or most of the time strangers. It's good to know who to depend on and who were our foe. Alhamdulillah.. we are grateful for every little help. We do not consider those who backed out as foe, if you ask me the truth.. They were the reasons that we become independent and braver to face judgment and criticism. They were the ones who make us realize that there is strength in us.

The courage and encouragement from people around us.. be it strangers and friends are surely not realized by them at all. I don't even think that they even realized how they have touched our lives positively. We, on the other hand, know exactly who we really owe to. And for this, we tend to cling on to the remarks and encouragement and the trust from them. The time spent, and ears lent are mostly paid back with our prayers to Allah so that they will be helped by others around them the way they helped us.

Mostly we get courage from our kids who makes the best of what we can afford to provide. We are grateful to Allah for having such grateful kids who never really complain or ask for anything. It's sad though, to realize how they have been keeping their needs and necessity to themselves. We never really hide anything from them. Any difficulties that we have are shared with them, not to burden them with the worries, but we believe that they can help especially by praying with us for the best!

Whatever it is.. along the way.. no matter how people affect you.. the one in control is you yourself.. You can't control what people do or say.. but what you can do is to stay as positive as you can and believe that whatever comes in front of you is a test specially for you from Allah the Almighty.. and having said that.. I'd say Alhamdulillah..

Another Circle of Unaccomplished Resolution