Last weekend, a relative of my husband came over.. and that was when I realized something has to be done before it's too late! At the beginning, my son was playing a good host with his second cousin.. until I asked him to share his cars.. (if only I didn't ask him to bring down his cars but then, that made me realize how big the problem is.. hehe). I was very much convinced that he was really good at sharing.. because before that he was sharing his puzzle, toys and stuff from the basket.
He was trying to attach his 'hotwheel' to make a complete track when the 1-year-old boy tried to join.. I was busy chatting to even pay attention to him. I didn't even realize he took down the 'hotwheel', if I knew, I would have asked him to keep it upstairs because it takes space! The last thing I know, he was screaming to the boy and cried.. then, I was the next target.. and he knows I don't normally scold my kids in front of guests.. Aha! Smart boy.. He needed to test his theory and he did in in front of a line of spectators...
Our Rule
#1 Anything can't be shared will be confiscated!
(Disebabkan ayahanda marah, harta ayahanda akan dirampas seluruhnya!)
Everyone in this house knows perfectly well of this.. so, my boy was screaming his heart out trying to abolish this rule.. I could see my cousin pretending to read the recipe book (I bet she read the same ingredients again and again without really capturing the words.. he he) and I really didn't want to give in. This is a test, remember..
Their rule:
#2 Don't even think of testing the rules in front of Big Daddy... you'll never win..
The "test" went on with a lot of staring.. crying.. (I was crying inside of course, trying to hide my embarrassment) foot stumping.. wailing.. sobbing.. but I still insisted not to give back his toys.. He will think that all those action will win whatever toys confiscated... Alang-alang malu.. biarlah malu terus.. After all, my cousin has 4 kids.. I bet she has gone through this.. The thing is .. my auntie was there too.. but I really salute her because she didn't even interfere like grannies always do..
This was hard.. I kept glancing at the clock.. my husband still hasn't come back from Friday prayers.. Then, it was time for my test.. "Eh, Nurul, abah dah balik ke?" I asked my daughter.. There was a pause in his crying and he even stopped crying at least until he found out that my husband was not home..
At this point.. after a few painstaking minutes, my husband did come back... I was jumping up and down (in my mind!) That shows how in control I am when it comes to my kids.. [sigh] but then, I really don't like punishing or even scolding my kids in front of people..
Still their rule
#3 Act nice in front of Big Daddy
I know instantly.. this test is over the minute the sound of my husband's car was heard.. He was in his normal behaviour pretending like nothing happened.. My auntie said "Dah penat nangis agaknya".. I smiled "Taklah.." then I pointed at my husband.. "oooooh"..
My other cousin asked me.. "Selalu macam ni ke?" and I guess you know the answer "tak langsung, saja test la tu..."
Suddenly my memory flashed back my very first child, wailing at the supermarket years ago.. in attempt to get what he wanted.. What I did was move a few feet away to let him take the embarrasment alone.. At the end of the day, he was embarrassed, he didn't even get the things that he wanted, the shopping trip was cancelled.. we went home immediately and he was scolded in the car! That comes to my next rule..
Our rule
#4 Never give in no matter how embarrass you are.. if you intend to win the next few battles..
Believe me.. once they know they can control you.. they will control you.. It's really easy to bribe or give them what they want when they are still young as cheap toys can free you.. but imagine 10-15 years from now..
My rule.. pleeeassse don't follow the first part of the rule : (
#5 After you have finished blabbering when the guests are gone, don't forget to talk him out when both of you have cooled down..
It's really hard not to piss off.. I really pissed off this time.. The minute the guests were gone.. I really nagged.. blah blah blah.. I know it is not effective at all.. but then, I'm a normal human being.. I NAGGED A REALLY LONG NAG! I avoided my son for the whole day and by night I know he was really sad by me ignoring him.. and he knew he caused it.. Though we made up earlier.. shaking hands apologizing and kissing.. I held grudges. (it was bad of me, I know but then I needed some space)..
The very next day, I talked to him nicely.. telling him how upset I was when he threw tantrum.. I know this is not over yet.. but in the meantime, I'll find ways to make things better.. Isn't that part of my job as a mom? Wish me luck!
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